Seven thoughts you have when you start dating someone new after a drought

'Remind me why we swap saliva?'

(Getty Images/iStockphoto)

Whether you’re a seasoned swiper or not, dating someone new can be tricky.

Not only do you question everything from the way you walk to the sound of your own voice, but you start to subconsciously unpick every element of your character to the point where you can’t even remember how to hold a glass of wine let alone behave like a normal human being.

So, we’ve rounded up all of the irrational anxieties bound to hit when you dip your toe back into the dating scene after taking some time out.

“I can’t remember how to flirt (over text)”

Texting is a pain at the best of times, but when you’re trying to woo someone, the stakes are higher due to the myriad of lexical possibilities modern technology has provided us with.

Acronyms aside (assuming you know your IMOs from your TTYLs), it can actually be far easier to win someone over with your wicked wit in text form - given the amount of time you can take to craft, edit, re-write and edit again.

However, complications arise when it comes to the small print.

For example, how many heart emojis is too many heart emojis? Should you end every message with an ‘x’? Is one enough? Or does that seem cold? Everyone knows that three kisses mean you’re keen AF, whereas if you use none, you might as well retreat to your icy cave with nothing but your frozen heart for company.

See? It's tricky.

“I can’t remember how to flirt (in real life)”

This is even harder.

Not only do you have to rely on actual off-the-cuff communication, but when flirting IRL you may find yourself feeling lost without the emojis/gifs/memes that have become synonymous with your sense of self-expression.

Preparation is key, load up your smartphone notes with a backlog of witty one-liners, jokes, riddles and interesting questions i.e. if you were a superhero, what would your cape look like?

“How much Facebook stalking is too much Facebook stalking?”

The answer is none. There is no quandary a little social stalking can’t solve.

That is, unless you’re not friends on Facebook, in which case, 007-levels of stealthiness may be required in order to get the dirty details you’re after.

At the very least, you should be able to see their profile pic. This alone can offer some crucial insights to satiate your stalking needs i.e group shot = proud they’ve made it to adulthood while maintaining some friendships, probably a good egg.

"Candid” laughing snap = someone that wants to be on social media but secretly wants the world to think they’re also too cool to be on social media.

Regular selfie = confident but possibly spends evenings looking in the mirror deciphering which is their good side.

Mirror selfie = narcissistic and not afraid/they've got it and they're flaunting it.

“I’ve forgotten how to drink like a grown up”

A perennial problem: how much alcohol should you drink on a date?

Should you order a glass of wine? Or a beer? Will they think you’re being a bit presumptuous for ordering a full pint? Or will they think you have commitment issues if you opt for a half pint?

What if you don’t like Merlot or lager? Are spirits off limits? If you say “gin and tonic” will they think "yummy mummy in training"?

Worse still, what happens when you get drunk? Can you remember what you were saying? What was that joke they just said? Was it even funny? What was their name again?

“What qualifies as a date?”

Okay, so you’re going out for lunch. Great, it’s a lunch date, right?

But, they’ve suggested Yo Sushi - is that even a date place? Isn’t it more of a commuter's lunch spot? You’d prefer the pub around the corner, but it’s only 1pm, maybe they don’t want to drink.

Or maybe they don't really want this to be a date, hence the apathetic lunch time slot.

Regardless of the intention, how will you fill the silences if you’re both sober and actually thinking about what you’re going to say before you say it?

Maybe they suggest meeting in the evening, but they want to meet at their house.

Isn’t a date supposed to be at a restaurant? Does this count? Will you even eat? What if your stomach starts rumbling halfway through their story about that time they went to Peru?

“I can’t remember how to kiss…”

No matter which way you look at it, or which way you lean, kissing is a thing of pure wizardry.

Nose-dodging and saliva-swapping aside, making out with someone can be a tempestuous thing to navigate.

What if you both tilt your heads the same way? How do you recover from knocking noses? Oh, is that a tongue piercing? Why are they biting me? This feels weird. Why do we do this?

Again, no solid answers here, it's just something we do.

“...let alone how to do any of the other stuff”

Think of it like riding a bike.

Enough said.