Charlotte Philby: What could I learn from the love guru?

Romance coach Matthew Hussey tutors women in the art of attracting – and keeping – a man. Can he teach Charlotte Philby anything about the opposite sex she doesn't already know?

Our eyes first meet on a poster for his forthcoming London seminar, "Matthew Hussey's Secrets of Attraction". "WANT TO HAVE ASTONISHING RESULTS IN ATTRACTING THE RIGHT MEN?" the advert screams. "LEARN THE SECRETS OF MALE ATTRACTION THAT 99% OF WOMEN DON'T KNOW ABOUT!"

Next to this, Hussey's face grins back at me, his chiselled torso squeezed into a T-shirt so tight that one worries for those impossibly bulbous forearms, which could be in imminent danger of dropping off through lack of circulation; his glossy locks are carefully combed; one giant arm crossed against his chest, the other juts towards the camera.

I'm sure it's a spoof. And yet a quick internet search soon proves otherwise. According to Hussey's website – complete with an even more mind-boggling photo of the man "in action" – he is very much for real. "If you're reading this," the welcome note purrs, "it's likely that, like us, you realise that there is another level to where you are in life now and you're looking to find out how to get there."

Hussey's work as a "peak performance coach" has amassed him over 2,000 disciples, including directors at FTSE 100 Companies, who flock to hear his all-prevailing knowledge on how to "accelerate and guarantee their success". But it doesn't end there. Hot on the heels of the American journalist-turned-pick-up artist, Neil Strauss – whose 2005 female seduction manual The Game became an international bestseller – for the last three years Hussey has side-stepped into another growing trade, lecturing to crammed halls of British men eager for a master class on how to be lucky in love.

Now the seemingly insatiable Essex boy is turning his sights to single women, imparting his "insider tips" on how to bag Mr Right. As well as a series of live shows, he's released a helpful DVD. Get the Guy: The Man of Your Dreams is packaged with the image of a beautiful cartoon-drawn couple in front of an unbroken cityscape, hair blowing in the wind, a glowing half moon illuminating their perfectly symmetrical features. Heed my words, the unspoken message reads, and all this can be yours too. I glance across at my partner as he wrestles with his teeth and a beer cap, and hit the play button.

Within minutes of Hussey's opening, I find myself gazing past his flesh-pinching, plunged V-neck T-shirt, irresistibly drawn into his peculiar world. I find myself oohing and ahhing as he speaks. "Men adhere to the parameters you set them," he is saying. "We know what we can and cannot get away with only by your indication." Your job, as women, is to ensure you react in the right way when men fall out of line. The future of your relationship rests on you and you alone. You must reward good behaviour with pleasure, bad behaviour with pain. Hussey's entire manifesto – which can be applied at any stage of a relationship, from first date to long-term romance – rests on this simple principle.

By way of illustration, Hussey asks us to place ourselves in a hypothetical situation: you're in a bar with your partner and you notice him flirting with other women. How do you react? Do you get angry, tearful? If so then you might as well just accept the fact that you have failed; your hissy fit is only showing him further attention. This is, he says, pleasure-inducing. How can you expect him to control his wandering eye if you reward him for having a bash?

If – unlike any woman I have met – you opt for the blind-eye approach, then, Hussey continues, you are giving out entirely the wrong message. You're confusing the poor sod with your seeming obliviousness, so all he will do is play up more. Instead, you need to make him feel impotent (Hussey's word). "That is a real turn off," you must say, in a cool, calm manner, by way of emasculation.

Hussey goes on to explain the virtues of giving a person the identity you want them to have. "Feed him pleasure for everything he does right, for everything you want him to do." So: want a funny guy? Tell the guy he's funny. Want him relaxed? Tell him he's relaxed. The trick to finding the right partner is simple: just "validate people for the traits you want them to have".

In the course of his session, Hussey offers a range of advice. Tips for avoiding boring small talk include games of 21 questions, and – even more dubiously – impromptu public role plays; not revealing your insecurities at an early stage is important, too, while accepting rather than rejecting compliments and being a High Value Woman – in-demand, confident, sexy, classy, with a fantastic life that you're proud of and enjoy – is a sure-fire way to elicit a man's adoration.

Soon I hear myself clucking with approval and bemusement at the general premise of Hussey's lecture, which – reading between the lines – pronounces that men are little more advanced than a Pavlovian dog: a submissive breed which can – and must – be conditioned. If a man acts out of line, then it is because the woman hasn't chalked out the boundary strongly enough. An attractive notion in many respects, and true enough to a degree.

So all that is left is to put Hussey's approach into action. I rise from the sofa summoning a cool, confident air. At once I am calm, collected. I am an independent woman who loves her life and knows what she wants from her man. I am sexy. I am strong. And, it appears, I am entirely alone. The house is still. A tatty note lays on kitchen work surface: "You were making weird gurgling noises. Gone out – don't wait up."

www.GetTheGuy.co.uk

PROMOTED VIDEO
Have you tried new the Independent Digital Edition apps?
Life and Style
ebookNow available in paperback
Life and Style
ebooksA superb mix of recipes serving up the freshest of local produce in a delicious range of styles
Arts and Entertainment
booksPhotographer Richard Young has been snapping celebrities at play for 40 years - but he says it wasn’t all fun and games...
News
i100
Sport
Aguero - who single-handedly has kept City's Champions League dreams alive - celebrates his dramatic late winner
footballManchester City 3 Bayern Munich 2: Argentine's late hat-rick sees home side snatch vital victory
News
Muhammad Ali pictured in better health in 2006
peopleBut he has enjoyed publicity from his alleged near-death experience
Arts and Entertainment
Tony breaks into Ian Garrett's yacht and makes a shocking discovery
TVReview: Revelations continue to make this drama a tough watch
News
news
News
peopleSinger tells The Independent what life is like in rehab in an exclusive video interview
News
The assumption that women are not as competent in leadership positions as men are leads to increased stress in the workplace
science... and it's down to gender stereotypes
Arts and Entertainment
Inner sanctum: Tove Jansson and friends in her studio in 1992
booksWhat was the inspiration for Finland's most famous family?
News
i100
Arts and Entertainment
Singer songwriter Bob Dylan performs on stage
films
Latest stories from i100
Have you tried new the Independent Digital Edition apps?
Independent Dating
and  

By clicking 'Search' you
are agreeing to our
Terms of Use.

ES Rentals

    iJobs Job Widget
    iJobs General

    Austen Lloyd: Commercial Property Lawyer - Cheshire

    Excellent Salary: Austen Lloyd: CHESHIRE MARKET TOWN - An exciting and rare o...

    Austen Lloyd: Residential Property Solicitor - Hampshire

    Excellent Salary : Austen Lloyd: NORTH HAMPSHIRE - SENIOR POSITION - An exciti...

    Recruitment Genius: Gas Installation Engineer

    £29000 per annum: Recruitment Genius: A Gas Installation Engineer is required ...

    Recruitment Genius: Domestic Gas Technical Surveyor

    £28000 per annum: Recruitment Genius: A Domestic Gas Technical Surveyor is req...

    Day In a Page

    Homeless Veterans Christmas Appeal: Drifting and forgotten - turning lives around for ex-soldiers

    Homeless Veterans Christmas Appeal: Turning lives around for ex-soldiers

    Our partner charities help veterans on the brink – and get them back on their feet
    Putin’s far-right ambition: Think-tank reveals how Russian President is wooing – and funding – populist parties across Europe to gain influence in the EU

    Putin’s far-right ambition

    Think-tank reveals how Russian President is wooing – and funding – populist parties across Europe to gain influence in the EU
    Tove Jansson's Moominland: What was the inspiration for Finland's most famous family?

    Escape to Moominland

    What was the inspiration for Finland's most famous family?
    Nightclubbing with Richard Young: The story behind his latest book of celebrity photographs

    24-Hour party person

    Photographer Richard Young has been snapping celebrities at play for 40 years. As his latest book is released, he reveals that it wasn’t all fun and games
    Michelle Obama's school dinners: America’s children have a message for the First Lady

    A taste for rebellion

    US children have started an online protest against Michelle Obama’s drive for healthy school meals by posting photos of their lunches
    Colouring books for adults: How the French are going crazy for Crayolas

    Colouring books for adults

    How the French are going crazy for Crayolas
    Jack Thorne's play 'Hope': What would you do as a local politician faced with an impossible choice of cuts?

    What would you do as a local politician faced with an impossible choice of cuts?

    Playwright Jack Thorne's latest work 'Hope' poses the question to audiences
    Ed Harcourt on Romeo Beckham and life as a court composer at Burberry

    Call me Ed Mozart

    Paloma Faith, Lana del Ray... Romeo Beckham. Ed Harcourt has proved that he can write for them all. But it took a personal crisis to turn him from indie star to writer-for-hire
    10 best stocking fillers for foodies

    Festive treats: 10 best stocking fillers for foodies

    From boozy milk to wasabi, give the food-lover in your life some extra-special, unusual treats to wake up to on Christmas morning
    Phil Hughes head injury: He had one weakness – it has come back to haunt him

    Phil Hughes had one weakness – it has come back to haunt him

    Prolific opener had world at his feet until Harmison and Flintoff bounced him
    'I have an age of attraction that starts as low as four': How do you deal with a paedophile who has never committed a crime?

    'I am a paedophile'

    Is our approach to sex offenders helping to create more victims?
    How bad do you have to be to lose a Home Office contract?

    How bad do you have to be to lose a Home Office contract?

    Serco given Yarl’s Wood immigration contract despite ‘vast failings’
    Green Party on the march in Bristol: From a lost deposit to victory

    From a lost deposit to victory

    Green Party on the march in Bristol
    Putting the grot right into Santa's grotto

    Winter blunderlands

    Putting the grot into grotto
    'It just came to us, why not do it naked?' London's first nude free runner captured in breathtaking images across capital

    'It just came to us, why not do it naked?'

    London's first nude free runner captured in breathtaking images across capital