Sleeping around: A bit of balance
'There's a lot to be said for taking the time to get to know the other person and not falling for a fantasy image'
Sunday 14 September 2008
To take my mind off Charles, I decided to indulge in a bit of internet flirtation. "Ted", a blonde, successful, 40-year-old lawyer, seemed perfect on paper.
But when we met in person, alarm bells started to ring. Everything about him screamed "Trying Too Hard", from his insistence that we meet in his city office (so that he could prove that he was "for real") to his diamond-studded gold Rolex.
Within five minutes, he dropped the first bomb by asking if I was Catholic. When I said no, he said: "If you had kids, how would you feel about raising them in my religion?"
I replied that honestly, the thought had never occurred to me. Hypothetical children before appetisers? This was getting heavy.
He then explained that since his divorce, he has been living in hotels in London. "But I want to sort out my home situation very soon," he blurted out, and started talking about how lonely the road can be.
It's ironic, because I've been looking for a man who isn't afraid of a long-term relationship. But although Ted was sweet, I got the impression that he wanted to settle down with me or the very next woman with good teeth and the right waist-to-hip ratio who came along.
So I made my excuses and left. At midnight, I got a text from him, which read: "You are the most beautiful girl and I loved spending time with you. I have to see you again I sensed a real connection between us and know you felt it too. X x x."
I went to bed. At 2am, my phone vibrated again. This time it read, "Good night sweetheart, Just want to say that you are as rare as a unicorn!" I decided that it was too late to reply, but didn't have to worry, because I had yet another text waiting for me at 7.30am the next day.
"Oh dear, I guess I've failed. I know that I AM THE MAN who can give you the 'knowingness' you crave, if you would just give me the chance. Is your fear of getting hurt making you run from this relationship?"
I politely texted back, telling him that for me, there just hadn't been the right romantic chemistry. Five minutes later, he messaged back. "Oh well, I understand, but I KNOW that I am the guy who is truly capable of giving you the emotional stability that you so desperately need."
Now I was annoyed. If a woman chases a man, long after he indicates that he isn't interested, and continues to text and call him, she's branded as a stalker.
Men, on the other hand, are encouraged not to take no for an answer. Dustin Hoffman relentlessly pursues Elaine Robinson in The Graduate to the point of crashing her wedding and it's considered one of the iconic romantic movies of our time. Glenn Close does the same in Fatal Attraction and ends up getting shot. Is it too much to ask for a bit of balance?
By the time he sent flowers the next day, with a note reading "Gentlest of hugs", I was thinking about a restraining order, not romance.
At the end of the day, we all want to find someone to love, and who loves us equally in return. But there's a lot to be said for stepping back and taking the time to get to know the other person, instead of getting caught up in the intoxication of falling for a fantasy image.
After all, there is a fine line between someone who isn't afraid of commitment, and someone who needs to be committed.
filmFilm producers sue Warner Bros for $75m over Hobbit films
sportNapoli 2 Arsenal 0: Gunners must now face either Real Madrid, PSG, Bayern Munich, Atletico Madrid or Barcelona in knock-out stages
Swedish stars ask fans for £195 pledges on crowd-funding website
voicesJust when you thought you could find a man, get married, and have a baby by the age of 35... it turns out you’re too late, says Grace Dent
musicAs Mariah Carey and Noddy Holder rake in the royalties from their classics, why there hasn't been a decent festive hit for 20 years?
theatreAuthor Daniel Rosenthal recalls the mishaps that almost brought the curtain down on the likes of John Gielgud and Diana Rigg
lifeAs the Royal Mail plans to phase out deliveries on two wheels, it's no wonder posties are in a spin
musicThe 21-year-old beat Ella Eyre and Chlöe Howl to win the honour
lifeFull of the joys and want to help your fellow man? December isn't the time to do it
techLuke Blackall reports on precision engineered prams and babygros that monitor your child 24-7
Life & Style blogs
YouTube: Top trending videos of 2013 - including Tom Daley and Peppa Pig
Chinese scientists 'increasingly confident' about invisibility cloak after making a cat disappear
GTA 5 update: Content Creator released, online heists and story mode updates coming soon
The rise of goo-goo gadgets: Hey baby, nice wheels!
Pirate Bay sets sail for Ascension Island after SX domain name seized by authorities
- 1 Nelson Mandela memorial: ‘Bogus’ interpreter made mockery of Barack Obama’s tribute in Soweto
- 2 John McAfee's $100 'anti-NSA' device: 'this is coming and cannot be stopped'
- 3 French café starts charging extra to rude customers
- 4 Is Facebook making us forget? Study shows that taking pictures ruin memories
- 5 Australia incest case: Filthy and severely deformed children found in remote farming community after generations of inbreeding
£77099.84 - £96375.26 per annum + Bonus + Benefits : Harrington Starr: My clie...
£45000 - £60000 per annum + Bonus and Package: Harrington Starr: Trading appli...
£35000 - £38000 per annum + Benefits: Harrington Starr: C# .NET Developer (Win...
£60000 - £70000 per annum + Benefits: Harrington Starr: Senior QA Engineer Tes...