To call off the wedding or not?

Strippers at hen and stag dos are controversial - whilst some people see them as a harmless bit of fun, others consider them completely unacceptable.

One person in the latter camp is a woman engaged to be married in a few weeks who found out there was a stripper at her fiancé’s stag do, even though she’d made clear it would be a deal breaker for her:

“I told him in no uncertain terms that if he had a stripper there wouldn't f***ing be a wedding,” she wrote on Mumsnet. “His friends also knew this including the so called 'Best Man'.

“I'm absolutely f***ing gutted. We get married in a few weeks. I tore him a new one and told him to get out. I just don't want to be around him. I'm so f***ing hurt that he knew my boundaries and went along with it anyway. And then lied about it.”

She also added that her fiancé didn’t know about the stripper beforehand and it was arranged by the best man: 

“I asked him [the groom] when he got back if he had anything to tell me, did anything go on that I wouldn't be happy about (almost jokingly as I really didn't think they would be so immature and disrespectful of my feelings) and he reassured me there wasn't,” she explained. 

“The only reason he told me was because I was using his phone and a message from the best man popped up which implied something had gone on. I don't think he would ever have told me otherwise.”

The bride called out for advice on what to do in her conundrum, and people are divided.

On one side, there were calls for her to cancel the wedding: .

“I couldn't marry him,” said one person. “It's not just about the strippers, he's fallen at the first hurdle in terms of putting you first and respecting your feelings. The first time his loyalty has been tested and he's been faced with a choice between doing something he knew would hurt you and doing what he wanted (or what his mates 'expected' him to do) and he's chosen to hurt you.”

Many people pointed out that considering she’d said a stripper would be a deal breaker, if she didn’t end the relationship now her husband would never respect her.

“I can't see there is anything else you can do given the threat you made to him about it being a deal breaker,” one person wrote.

“You made the consequences clear but he did it anyway so you have no choice but to call off the wedding,” added another. “If you don't, he will always know that your lines in the sand mean nothing.”

Others pointed out that lying is not a great start to a marriage: “He's lied to you before the wedding and will probably carry on lying to you for the rest of your life if you marry him.”

Many people, however, thought the bride was totally overreacting and the groom has done nothing wrong.

“I wouldn't call off the wedding. He's made a mistake, it happens, nobody is perfect. When you saw the message, he was a bit stuck between a rock and a hard place, he probably didn't want you to be angry but didn't want to lie either,” suggested one person.

Some pointed out that it’s understandable the groom might have thought it better to lie - if the bride was never going to find out, it couldn’t hurt her.

“He lied because he does not want to lose you,” suggested one. “If he is generally a good bloke I would not throw the relationship away. There are much worse ‘crimes’ than watching a random woman take her clothes off in a public place.”

Many suggested the groom only lied about the stripper because he knew his bride would be furious: “He's hiding it because he knew you'd go ape shit. I wouldn't expect my partner to walk out middle of his stag do because of my feelings. 

“Strippers is the norm. I think it's tasteless but it is what it is. You are ruining your relationship and lead up to the wedding. If he's a good bloke, get over it, he's not cheated on you.”

Some people actually think the wedding should be called off for the groom’s sake because the bride-to-be they thought the bride seemes “clearly controlling” and an “aggressive control freak.”

And, as many pointed out, there must be trust and insecurity issues in the relationship in the first place, so at least postponing the wedding might be the best call.

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