Mind your pees and qs

Posh Spice and David Beckham are thinking of installing 'his' and 'hers' loos in their bathroom. Has privacy finally gone down the pan? wonders

I've weed in front of David right from the beginning," Victoria Adams says. Indeed so fond is she of weeing in front of her fiance, David, who plays football, that she almost had 'his and hers' toilets put into their new bathroom. This slice of life delicacy comes to us from Pee Pee Spice, via this month's Vogue. "But then," she continues, "we've always been more like friends. Well, looks aren't going to last forever, are they?"

Oh dear, I thought when I read this nonsensical sentence. You'll learn. You say this now and it may seem like a lovely, natural thing to do at the moment, but in five years time when you start to annoy each other, that sharing of intimate moments will precipate the contempt that will inevitably creep between you. Marked, perhaps, by the pinging of toenails being cut a deux. No, Victoria, peeing in front of your partner, or in any way being too open in your ablutions with them, is a very bad idea.

Many years ago, I was told that my grandmother never let anyone see her get undressed let alone go to the toilet and, because my grandmother was really cool, I decided this was a good way to behave. "Always retain something just for yourself," my mother said. And I did. Now even if five gallons of liquid were pressing down on my bladder I could not let go in front of my partner. Nor do I brush my teeth in front of him, or wax my legs or struggle into tights or let him see my pop socks. As for childbirth in front of my beloved! Heavens no. I think if you plan to spend the rest of your life with someone, the more mystery you retain the better. If I could, I would even have my own bedroom for nights when I feel full of period pain or indigestion. You could argue, at this point, that loving someone means them knowing all of you, warts and all, and if they love you they will love you even if they've seen you vomit. I say no. That's what what mothers are for.

Naturally, not everyone agrees and I know I stand alone with my views. "Saying 'You have to keep a bit of mystery' is so 1950s,'" says Sandra, 32, who does pee in front of her boyfriend of three years. Where would she draw the line? "There's very little I wouldn't do in front of him. After all, if you're going to have a child by a man then him seeing you go to the toilet is no big deal." (Funnily enough, the question of childbirth spontaneously cropped up quite a few times when the subject of bathroom etiquette was mentioned. "Childbirth," says Nicholas, 30, who is currently single, "put me off having anything sexual to do with my girlfriend ever again." No doubt Nicholas is a shallow boy but Victoria could do with chewing on that thought before she allows David into the delivery room.)

Interviewing 50 people for this piece showed some interesting trends. Men, on the whole, thought openness in the bathroom was fine while double the amount of women to men do not and would not dream of peeing in front of their partners. It also elicited some unexpected responses: folk I was somewhat cautious of approaching with the "Do you pee?" question, thinking they might be offended, could then barely contain themselves from reciting bathroom anecdotes. "We have our best chats then," said one 55-year-old, very straight-laced woman, proving you can't tell who would or wouldn't just by age or appearance (although as a rule the younger you are the more likely you are to feel relaxed abut the issue).

Perhaps to famous people like Victoria and David, whose personal lives are regularly splashed across the world's newspaper pages, insisting on privacy is pretty irrelevent. As for the rest of us, I'd like to see a return to a little more modesty in all things and strongly believe that bathroom doors should always come between partners and their peeing.

Suggested Topics
Arts and Entertainment
Gregg Wallace in Summer's Supermarket Secrets
tv All of this year's 15 contestants have now been named
Sport
The giant banner displayed by Legia Warsaw supporters last night
football Polish side was ejected from Champions League
Arts and Entertainment
Could we see Iain back in the Bake Off tent next week?
tv Contestant teased Newsnight viewers on potential reappearance
News
i100(and it's got nothing to do with the Great British Bake Off)
PROMOTED VIDEO
Have you tried new the Independent Digital Edition apps?
Life and Style
ebooksA superb mix of recipes serving up the freshest of local produce in a delicious range of styles
Life and Style
ebooksFrom the lifespan of a slug to the distance to the Sun: answers to 500 questions from readers
News
news It's not just the world that's a mess at the moment...
News
Angelina Jolie with her father Jon Voight
peopleAsked whether he was upset not to be invited, he responded by saying he was busy with the Emmy Awards
News
Bill Kerr has died aged 92
peopleBill Kerr appeared in Hancock’s Half Hour and later worked alongside Spike Milligan and Peter Sellers
Life and Style
A picture taken on January 12, 2011 shows sex shops at the Paris district of Pigalle.
news
Sport
footballPremiership preview: All the talking points ahead of this weekend's matches
News
Keira Knightley poses topless for a special September The Photographer's issue of Interview Magazine, out now
people
Voices
The Ukip leader has consistently refused to be drawn on where he would mount an attempt to secure a parliamentary seat
voicesNigel Farage: Those who predicted we would lose momentum heading into the 2015 election are going to have to think again
Arts and Entertainment
Cara Delevingne made her acting debut in Anna Karenina in 2012
film Cara Delevingne 'in talks' to star in Zoolander sequel
News
i100
Sport
Mario Balotelli pictured in his Liverpool shirt for the first time
football
Life and Style
tech
Independent
Travel Shop
the manor
Up to 70% off luxury travel
on city breaks Find out more
santorini
Up to 70% off luxury travel
on chic beach resorts Find out more
sardina foodie
Up to 70% off luxury travel
on country retreats Find out more
Latest stories from i100
Have you tried new the Independent Digital Edition apps?
Independent Dating
and  

By clicking 'Search' you
are agreeing to our
Terms of Use.

ES Rentals

    iJobs Job Widget
    iJobs General

    Java Developer - 1 year contract

    £350 - £400 Per Day: Clearwater People Solutions Ltd: Our client based in Cent...

    Junior Analyst - Graduate - 6 Month fixed term contract

    £17000 - £20000 Per Annum Bonus, Life Insurance + Other Benefits: Clearwater P...

    SAS Business Analyst - Credit Risk - Retail Banking

    £450 - £500 per day: Orgtel: SAS Business Analyst, London, Banking, Credit Ris...

    Project Manager - Pensions

    £32000 - £38000 Per Annum Bonus, Life Insurance + Other Benefits: Clearwater P...

    Day In a Page

    Ukraine crisis: The phoney war is over as Russian troops and armour pour across the border

    The phoney war is over

    Russian troops and armour pour into Ukraine
    Potatoes could be off the menu as crop pests threaten UK

    Potatoes could be off the menu as crop pests threaten UK

    The world’s entire food system is under attack - and Britain is most at risk, according to a new study
    Gangnam smile: why the Chinese are flocking to South Korea to buy a new face

    Gangnam smile: why the Chinese are flocking to South Korea to buy a new face

    Seoul's plastic surgery industry is booming thanks to the popularity of the K-Pop look
    From Mozart to Orson Welles: Creative geniuses who peaked too soon

    Creative geniuses who peaked too soon

    After the death of Sandy Wilson, 90, who wrote his only hit musical in his twenties, John Walsh wonders what it's like to peak too soon and go on to live a life more ordinary
    Caught in the crossfire of a cyber Cold War

    Caught in the crossfire of a cyber Cold War

    Fears are mounting that Vladimir Putin has instructed hackers to target banks like JP Morgan
    Salomé's feminine wiles have inspired writers, painters and musicians for 2,000 years

    Salomé: A head for seduction

    Salomé's feminine wiles have inspired writers, painters and musicians for 2,000 years. Now audiences can meet the Biblical femme fatale in two new stage and screen projects
    From Bram Stoker to Stanley Kubrick, the British Library's latest exhibition celebrates all things Gothic

    British Library celebrates all things Gothic

    Forthcoming exhibition Terror and Wonder: The Gothic Imagination will be the UK's largest ever celebration of Gothic literature
    The Hard Rock Café's owners are embroiled in a bitter legal dispute - but is the restaurant chain worth fighting for?

    Is the Hard Rock Café worth fighting for?

    The restaurant chain's owners are currently embroiled in a bitter legal dispute
    Caribbean cuisine is becoming increasingly popular in the UK ... and there's more to it than jerk chicken at carnival

    In search of Caribbean soul food

    Caribbean cuisine is becoming increasingly popular in the UK ... and there's more to it than jerk chicken at carnival
    11 best face powders

    11 best face powders

    Sweep away shiny skin with our pick of the best pressed and loose powder bases
    England vs Norway: Roy Hodgson's hands tied by exploding top flight

    Roy Hodgson's hands tied by exploding top flight

    Lack of Englishmen at leading Premier League clubs leaves manager hamstrung
    Angel Di Maria and Cristiano Ronaldo: A tale of two Manchester United No 7s

    Di Maria and Ronaldo: A tale of two Manchester United No 7s

    They both inherited the iconic shirt at Old Trafford, but the £59.7m new boy is joining a club in a very different state
    Israel-Gaza conflict: No victory for Israel despite weeks of death and devastation

    Robert Fisk: No victory for Israel despite weeks of devastation

    Palestinians have won: they are still in Gaza, and Hamas is still there
    Mary Beard writes character reference for Twitter troll who called her a 'slut'

    Unlikely friends: Mary Beard and the troll who called her a ‘filthy old slut’

    The Cambridge University classicist even wrote the student a character reference
    America’s new apartheid: Prosperous white districts are choosing to break away from black cities and go it alone

    America’s new apartheid

    Prosperous white districts are choosing to break away from black cities and go it alone