Motoring: My Worst Car - Iain Lee's Ford Fiesta
Saturday 24 April 1999
I went to buy it with my mum who very kindly loaned me some money towards it because I was so poor.
I needed transport to get to gigs, and this little Fiesta looked like the answer. However, the bloke who sold it to us - or rather tricked us into buying it - was a lying, cheating, nasty, devious, rotten car salesman. No surprises there really. The car turned out to be just as unpleasant; within 10 hours of collecting the car, it had already tried to kill me.
I had to drive up to Milton Keynes early one morning. It was 5am, and the first thing I noticed was the radio fading into total silence.
That was swiftly followed by the lights flickering and then going out completely. Finally the engine stalled and then died completely. I could have been next, because this was the outside lane of the M1. As it was so early, however, I could just about manage to drift to the hard shoulder without banging into another car.
Other costly disasters soon followed as the alternator packed up - which had been the cause of my motorway incident in the first place - and, because the alternator didn't work, the battery went flat and had to be replaced.
The final indignity came when the exhaust fell off. This was a pretty poor show after just one week of ownership, so not surprisingly I tried to get my money back. I phoned up the dealer, as the car wasn't in a fit state to be driven back, but surprise, surprise they had gone bust.
Ever since I have been stuck with this nasty little car. The colour is blue and not very distinguished, and the car is far from cool. Can you think of anything worse than an anonymous dark blue Fiesta? I can't. Not only that, the speakers are rubbish too, so that, when the radio decides to work, I can't even hear it properly. Hold on though, I am trying to sell it: one careful owner, immaculate runabout, so if you don't mind I'd better not say any more.
Iain Lee presents `The 11 O'Clock Show' on Channel 4 every Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday. He was speaking to James Ruppert
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