Citroen C-Crosser: French without tears

Specifications

Would suit: Nice people
Price: 25,490
Performance: 124 mph, 0-60 in 9.9 secs
Combined fuel consumption: 39.2mpg
Further information: 0800 262 262

To simplify my world view I've just drawn up two lists of a) cars driven by nice, good people and b) cars driven by nasty, bad people. The first list includes things such as the Nissan Note, Land Rover Defender and every Morgan ever made the kind of cars owned by community nurses, vets and real-ale enthusiasts. Apart from the odd American, the second list, I have just noticed, almost entirely comprises cars made in Germany all BMWs obviously, most Audis, the larger Mercs, Porsches and the Maybach their owners a rum demographic of journalists, hedge-fund managers, estate agents and Madonna.

In contrast, I can't think of a French-built nasty person's car. It's hard to imagine a mean-spirited type driving, say, a Citroë* 2CV or a Peugeot 106. Teachers, hippies and social workers, yes, but not truly evil people plumbers, local radio DJs or Tory councillors. Even recent attempts by the French car industry to produce more hoity-toity cars, such as the Citroë* XM or Renault Vel Satis, are more likely to be driven by slightly demented architects than arms dealers.

The French are incapable of making an obnoxious car. Which, I suspect, is because rather than all that nonsense about prestige and exclusivity, our militant-gourmand neighbours have different priorities. French cars are usually practical and cheap, often Spartan, frequently shoddy in an endearing way, but rarely overbearing, and, against all the odds, unpretentious.

Also, crucially, the French have never built that social pariah, an off-roader (they did try once, with the Matra-Simca Rancho, but people were too busy laughing to take offence). Until now. This is the Citroë* C-Crosser. In truth, it is about as French as the cast of 'Allo 'Allo! it is built in Japan by Mitsubishi, which sells it with a different face as the Outlander; it also masquerades as a 4007 down your local Peugeot dealer but the intent is there: the French want in on the soft-roader market. Never mind that in France there is no terroir that can't be conquered by a knackered Citroë* Visa with one window replaced by a bit of old cardboard; the French clearly feel they have as much right as the rest of us to prance about like insecure tossers.

So we should, by rights, be looking at the first obnoxious French car. Except that the C-Crosser is really rather good. It is exceptionally well-built the doors close with a "schwunk", not a "pring"; spacious, with two extra seats for kids in the boot; practical, thanks to touches such as the split tailgate and flat-boot floor; and it's a tight, sparky drive too.

It's the Japanese we have to thank for most of this, but unique to the Citroë* is its smooth, gutsy and quiet 2.2-litre diesel engine that makes it such a perky pleasure to drive. Driven politely it will manage 40mpg too, which neatly eliminates one of the chief criticisms of this type of car, that they guzzle fuel.

So, not a bad first effort, and hopefully not for bad people.

It's a classic: Panther De Ville

When the Panther De Ville was built, in 1974, it was a serious attempt to create a Bugatti Royale-style neoclassic, but it was clearly destined to be driven by a movie villain. That villain being, of course, Cruella de Vil, of Dalmatian-recycling fame, as played by Glenn Close in 101 Dalmatians.

The Panther was cobbled together from a variety of sources the engine was a Jaguar V12, the doors came off an Austin Maxi but that didn't stop it attracting the attention of such discerning motorists as Elton John and Oliver Reed, who both owned them in the 1970s, when it was Britain's most expensive car.

Sixty models were built from 1974 to 1985, including a convertible and two-door version. Less loved now, they can occasionally be found languishing in the classifieds, as owners, perhaps dazzled by their glamorous looks, tend to have rather inflated notions of their value.

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