Music: Lyric Sheets

Radio 2 is undergoing big changes. Jools Holland, Mark Lamarr and Neil Tennant are just three of the new names being drafted in as would- be Wogans

Upon Defecting To Radio 2

Remember when your parents said: "That isn't music - that's noise"?

"If it's too loud, then you're too old."

Was your response then, callow boys

But twenty years along the line

And what assails your tied old lugs?

This tyrant called The Beat borne on

The shoulders of young radio thugs

With 6th-form college party chants

And current hits which sound so like

A hoover in a tumble-drier

Being furgled by a motorbike.

And just because you're forty odd

It doesn't mean to say you're dead

But why pretend you like the sound

Of miseries like Radiohead

So when confronted by The Verve

Be proud to ask, "What is this din?

They sounded good, those cellos did

Until that wretched voice came in."

And then defect to Radio 2

The pipe and slippers for-your-ears

Watch outlaws turn to in-laws as

The greybeard revolution nears.