I drive/ride ... a scooter, a Nissan Figaro (looks great but is like driving a hairdryer) and most recently an S-Type Jag.

If I have time to myself ... I like being a zombie, sitting in front of the telly looking at the colours.

You wouldn't know it but I'm very good at ... darts. I grew up in a pub and aged 17 signed on the dole so I could play all day. I was convinced I would become a pro.

You may not know it but I'm very bad at ... dedication and practice, hence lack of darting career.

A book that changed me ... a dummy's guide to doing your own transsexual operation.

Movie heaven ... Kes. I grew up in the North-west and it reminds me of my school. Lots of dirty, skinny children running around.

Comfort eating ... vegetable soup and anything that's free.

When I was a child I wanted to be ... a darts player, then a golfer, then a caddy. Anything professional.

I wish I'd never worn ... light-coloured trousers at a stand-up gig. I washed my hands, shook them dry and went on stage - big mistake.

All my money goes on ... drinking and gambling. If there's any left I'll spend it on my newborn baby.

It's not fashionable but I like ... Spandau Ballet. Their very early stuff was a bit like Joy Division.

If I wasn't me I'd like to be ... Andy Fordham, last year's World Darts champion. There's room for me inside him.

The shop I can't walk past ... is Threshers. I can't because of a restraining order.

My favourite work of art ... I don't trust anyone who has a favourite work of art. People will say anything to not sound like a heathen.

The soundtrack to my life ... London nil, Hull 4 by The Housemartins.

The best invention ever is ... sat nav.

BAFTA award-winning comedian Lee Mack is on a national tour. Visit www.leemacklive.com for more details.