My yo-yo? Actually it's Prada, darling

A dog bone by Gucci, a cheese knife by Paul Smith ... you really can have too many accessories, says CAYTE WILLIAMS

Picture the scene. The hallowed couple is gathered at the tree. She is cradling an infant in her arms, he is wearing the ancient clothes of Galilee (well, a sarong anyway). Smiling adoringly at their precious gifts, these two embody the true spirit of Christmas. But forget Mary and Joseph. This is Posh and Becks opening their presents.

Under the 6ft Simon Lycett tree is the modern answer to gold, frankincense and myrrh: Gucci, Prada and Vuitton. And we're not just talking socks and key rings here. No, Christmas this year for the designer label enthusiast means yo-yos, tarot cards and cheese knives.

The minds in Milan have been particularly imaginative and brought a sort of commedia dell'arte surrealism to what you get in your stocking. For starters, there's the Gucci rubber bone for the dog who has everything. You need only to part with pounds 20.50 for the privilege. Meanwhile over at Prada, you can pick up a pink or blue metallic yo-yo for pounds 89.95 which comes in its own black zip-up Prada signature bag. And if the recipient who has everything is completely uncoordinated, then there's the Prada travel draughts set. It'll cost you pounds 219, but who cares if you're impressing the person next to you in Business Class? And if you're wondering how you're going to pay for it all, you can always glimpse the future with Prada's own brand of tarot cards at pounds 49.95.

But who's going to buy all this stuff? "We've already told our customers about them, and they keep coming in asking when they'll be in," says Harrods buyer Jonathan Akroyd, who's bringing in the yo-yo, draughts and cards. "People are desperate to tap into that designer lifestyle thing."

Just think of all the uses those celebs will make of designer presents. Over at Harvey Nichols you can pick up a Marni ponyskin cushion (pounds 625) which comes with its own kimono-style sash, and is a sort of sofa-bound replica of a catwalk jacket. So now Emma Major can literally disappear into the furniture when the relatives come over on Boxing Day.

Then there's the Malo cashmere mini hotwater bottle, a useless yet luxurious hit at pounds 140 - and just the right size to warm up Ginger Spice's shitzu. And if Chris Evans wants to carve up portions of his media company, he'd best do it with a Paul Smith cheese knife which comes in at pounds 110.

And let's not forget the M-word. Designers are cashing in on the end of the century just like everyone else. Perhaps Louis Vuitton is banking on the millennium bug, because everything it's brought out glows in the dark. Perfect if there's a global power cut. While everyone else will be panicking, LV-lovers can flick through their iridescent leather diaries (pounds 220) while wearing their leather bracelets with glow-in-the-dark logo at pounds 75 a throw.

Still, Prada is more optimistic. Its millennium gift catalogue includes the Prada Millennium Champagne Kit - a pounds 642 black vinyl backpack with two silver champagne glasses and a cooler compartment for your Moet. There were rumours of a Prada Millennium Survival Backpack containing twigs for making a fire but these have been squashed by the Bond Street store. After all, that would have been a little too ridiculous, wouldn't it?

Life and Style
love + sex A new study has revealed the average size - but does that leave men outside the 'normal' range being thought of as 'abnormal'?
Arts and Entertainment
TV
Voices
The Palace of Westminster is falling down, according to John Bercow
voices..says Matthew Norman
Sport
Steve Bruce and Gus Poyet clash
football
Have you tried new the Independent Digital Edition apps?
Life and Style
ebookNow available in paperback
ebooks
ebookPart of The Independent’s new eBook series The Great Composers
News
Graham Norton said Irish broadcaster RTE’s decision to settle was ‘moronic’
TV
Arts and Entertainment
Jake and Dinos Chapman were motivated by revenge to make 'Bring me the Head of Franco Toselli! '
arts + ents Shapero Modern Gallery to show explicit Chapman Brothers film
Arts and Entertainment
Kurt Cobain performing for 'MTV Unplugged' in New York, shortly before his death
music Brett Morgen's 'Cobain: Montage of Heck' debunks many of the myths
Life and Style
life
Sport
Brendan Rodgers
football The Liverpool manager will be the first option after Pep Guardiola
News
Amazon misled consumers about subscription fees, the ASA has ruled
news
Arts and Entertainment
Myanna Buring, Julian Rhind-Tutt and Russell Tovey in 'Banished'
TV Jimmy McGovern tackles 18th-century crime and punishment
Arts and Entertainment
Paul Whitehouse as Herbert
arts + ents
Latest stories from i100
Have you tried new the Independent Digital Edition apps?
Independent Dating
and  

By clicking 'Search' you
are agreeing to our
Terms of Use.

ES Rentals

    iJobs Job Widget
    iJobs General

    Recruitment Genius: Lettings and Sales Negotiator - OTE £46,000

    £16000 - £46000 per annum: Recruitment Genius: This is an opportunity to join ...

    Recruitment Genius: Home Care Worker - Reading and Surrounding Areas

    £9 - £13 per hour: Recruitment Genius: This is a great opportunity to join a s...

    Recruitment Genius: Key Sales Account Manager - OTE £35,000

    £25000 - £35000 per annum: Recruitment Genius: Have you got a proven track rec...

    Recruitment Genius: Sales Executive - OTE £40,000

    £15000 - £18000 per annum: Recruitment Genius: This is a great opportunity for...

    Day In a Page

    Syrian conflict is the world's first 'climate change war', say scientists, but it won't be the last one

    Climate change key in Syrian conflict

    And it will trigger more war in future
    How I outwitted the Gestapo

    How I outwitted the Gestapo

    My life as a Jew in wartime Berlin
    The nation's favourite animal revealed

    The nation's favourite animal revealed

    Women like cuddly creatures whilst men like creepy-crawlies
    Is this the way to get young people to vote?

    Getting young people to vote

    From #VOTESELFISH to Bite the Ballot
    Poldark star Heida Reed: 'I don't think a single bodice gets ripped'

    Poldark star Heida Reed

    'I don't think a single bodice gets ripped'
    The difference between America and Israel? There isn’t one

    The difference between America and Israel? There isn’t one

    Netanyahu knows he can get away with anything in America, says Robert Fisk
    Families clubbing together to build their own affordable accommodation

    Do It Yourself approach to securing a new house

    Community land trusts marking a new trend for taking the initiative away from developers
    Head of WWF UK: We didn’t send Cameron to the Arctic to see green ideas freeze

    David Nussbaum: We didn’t send Cameron to the Arctic to see green ideas freeze

    The head of WWF UK remains sanguine despite the Government’s failure to live up to its pledges on the environment
    Author Kazuo Ishiguro on being inspired by shoot-outs and samurai

    Author Kazuo Ishiguro on being inspired by shoot-outs and samurai

    Set in a mythologised 5th-century Britain, ‘The Buried Giant’ is a strange beast
    With money, corruption and drugs, this monk fears Buddhism in Thailand is a ‘poisoned fruit’

    Money, corruption and drugs

    The monk who fears Buddhism in Thailand is a ‘poisoned fruit’
    America's first slavery museum established at Django Unchained plantation - 150 years after slavery outlawed

    150 years after it was outlawed...

    ... America's first slavery museum is established in Louisiana
    Kelly Clarkson: How I snubbed Simon Cowell and become a Grammy-winning superstar

    Kelly Clarkson: How I snubbed Simon Cowell and become a Grammy-winning superstar

    The first 'American Idol' winner on how she manages to remain her own woman – Jane Austen fascination and all
    Tony Oursler on exploring our uneasy relationship with technology with his new show

    You won't believe your eyes

    Tony Oursler's new show explores our uneasy relationship with technology. He's one of a growing number of artists with that preoccupation
    Ian Herbert: Peter Moores must go. He should never have been brought back to fail again

    Moores must go. He should never have been brought back to fail again

    The England coach leaves players to find solutions - which makes you wonder where he adds value, says Ian Herbert
    War with Isis: Fears that the looming battle for Mosul will unleash 'a million refugees'

    The battle for Mosul will unleash 'a million refugees'

    Aid agencies prepare for vast exodus following planned Iraqi offensive against the Isis-held city, reports Patrick Cockburn