Excreta hits air conditioner: When Subhasinghe Premasiri was called to the witness box in a court in Sri Lanka yesterday to defend himself on a charge of stealing gas cookers and cylinders, he took a bag of human faeces from his pocket and threw it at policemen. Unfortunately his aim was bad and it hit a fan, showering the entire court. The accused was remanded by the chief magistrate for insulting the dignity of the court.

Traffic calming: Police in Toronto are experimenting with personality tests as a device to calm drivers affected with road rage. Drivers who are showing signs of anger will be presented with a questionnaire asking 10 questions about driving habits. After filling in ther answers, they will receive an assessment ranging from "calm sea of tranquillity" to "your anger threatens lives".

No God: Contrary to expectations, God did not appear on American TV at midnight on Tuesday. Hon-Ming Chen, leader of a Taiwanese sect that had predicted it, said that we can now also discount his prediction that God will turn up in person on 31 March and carry us all off in spaceships.