Oh no, it's blackmail again

The packages keep coming, relentlessly demanding cash. They contain pho tographs taken by a stranger. Adrian Mourby is speaking out at last, but he is afraid

Every year I am blackmailed over a series of photographs taken by a stranger. It's been 12 months since the last lot turned up soI was hoping we might escape this year. But no, last week my daughter arrived home with the dreaded package. Inside, a s ever, were seven prints - one large one in a brown cardboard frame, two medium-sized and four small: The School Photo was back in town. The price this time was £10.95.

Over the years I've battled hard with my conscience in the hope of finding a convincing argument for returning my daughter's school photo. "Shred and be damned," is what I'd like to say. After all, most of the time the picture is not even recognisably mychild. The effect of setting any intelligent seven-year-old in front of a bogus sepia backcloth and shining bright lights at her until she smiles is hardly likely to elicit a natural portrait.

Since Miranda started school we've received photos caught in mid-blink and photos taken on inopportune days when teeth had gone missing. Such blemishes do not deter the school paparazzo, however. He is not going to take one look at your child and say "I'll come back when that sty/bruise/spot/ dandruff has cleared up", or "I'll come back when she's more confident with me." He flashes on regardless. As long as he can extract a smile, the school photo is laid down for posterity.

I've known parents who would have been willing to pay the accompanying ransom note just to suppress it. One friend of mine was very distressed by the photo that had recently arrived of her seven-year-old. "She's a tart!" the poor woman exclaimed, seeing that her demure daughter had been making love to the camera in a manner worthy of Marilyn Monroe.

Of course, the obvious thing to do is just say "No", unless the School Photo happens, serendipitously, to be an image you both like and recognise. But here the force of peer-group pressure comes into play. No child wants to be the only one returning his or her package to the teacher on Monday morning. So in the end I usually buy the damn thing in the belief that at least I can circulate the four miniatures to prick the conscience of forgetful godparents.

But don't think that £10.95 is an end to the matter. The chances are that our son or daughter will now want to see the wretched thing displayed. Photos this large are not intended to be slipped discreetly into an album. A cardboard framed 10x8 full-colour matt-effect print this big expects to be placed on the mantelpiece for all to see. Miranda has already noticed that framed versions of Sally and Cassandra aged four, five, six and seven adorn their parents' living room, so where are her pictures?

It's bad enough for us parents, having to chart the annual progress of our children's blemishes over several alcoves, but spare a thought for the elderly and infirm. The School Photo pack cleverly includes two medium-sized full- colour specials, one for each set of grandparents. It is a startling statistic that if the average set of grandparents has between four and five grandchildren, they could well be in receipt of up to 75 framed school photos in the 15 years between four and 18.

Think of the wall space required! I'm sure that once upon a time the school photo had some value. When cameras were expensive and the results unpredictable, school photos were probably the only way many people ever saw a decent picture of their offspring. But these days even disposable cameras shoot on 35mm, and with built-in zooms no one should find it difficult to capture a pleasing, unself-conscious picture of their child at play.

Why should we be emotionally blackmailed every year into buying these artificial head-teeth-and-shoulder shots of our kids in their school clothes?

The solution is simple. Like so many iniquitous demands placed on parents - party bags, pets, vastly overpriced trainers - all we have to do is get together and say "No". If the nation en masse returned its school photos unbought, the practice of taking them would cease overnight.

But who will be the first? What keeps us shelling out £10.95 is a fear that in a few years' time, when our children are teenage single parents, drug dealers and ram raiders and we ask where we went wrong, among a list of shortcomings our errant child will cry, "And what's more, you never bought my school photo!"

Suggested Topics
PROMOTED VIDEO
Have you tried new the Independent Digital Edition apps?
Life and Style
ebookNow available in paperback
ebooks
ebookPart of The Independent’s new eBook series The Great Composers
Latest stories from i100
Have you tried new the Independent Digital Edition apps?
Independent Dating
and  

By clicking 'Search' you
are agreeing to our
Terms of Use.

ES Rentals

    iJobs Job Widget
    iJobs General

    Ashdown Group: Learning and Development Advisor - (HR, L&D) - Rugby

    £25000 per annum: Ashdown Group: A highly successful and well established busi...

    Recruitment Genius: Product Owner - Business Analyst

    Negotiable: Recruitment Genius: A Product Owner/Business Analyst is required t...

    Recruitment Genius: Quality Technician

    £28800 per annum: Recruitment Genius: This company is going through a period o...

    Recruitment Genius: Administrative Assistant / Order Fulfilment

    £14000 per annum: Recruitment Genius: An exciting opportunity to join a thrivi...

    Day In a Page

    Woman who was sent to three Nazi death camps describes how she escaped the gas chamber

    Auschwitz liberation 70th anniversary

    Woman sent to three Nazi death camps describes surviving gas chamber
    DSK, Dodo the Pimp, and the Carlton Hotel

    The inside track on France's trial of the year

    Dominique Strauss-Kahn, Dodo the Pimp, and the Carlton Hotel:
    As provocative now as they ever were

    Sarah Kane season

    Why her plays are as provocative now as when they were written
    Murder of Japanese hostage has grim echoes of a killing in Iraq 11 years ago

    Murder of Japanese hostage has grim echoes of another killing

    Japanese mood was against what was seen as irresponsible trips to a vicious war zone
    Syria crisis: Celebrities call on David Cameron to take more refugees as one young mother tells of torture by Assad regime

    Celebrities call on David Cameron to take more Syrian refugees

    One young mother tells of torture by Assad regime
    The enemy within: People who hear voices in their heads are being encouraged to talk back – with promising results

    The enemy within

    People who hear voices in their heads are being encouraged to talk back
    'In Auschwitz you got used to anything'

    'In Auschwitz you got used to anything'

    Survivors of the Nazi concentration camp remember its horror, 70 years on
    Autumn/winter menswear 2015: The uniforms that make up modern life come to the fore

    Autumn/winter menswear 2015

    The uniforms that make up modern life come to the fore
    'I'm gay, and plan to fight military homophobia'

    'I'm gay, and plan to fight military homophobia'

    Army general planning to come out
    Iraq invasion 2003: The bloody warnings six wise men gave to Tony Blair as he prepared to launch poorly planned campaign

    What the six wise men told Tony Blair

    Months before the invasion of Iraq in 2003, experts sought to warn the PM about his plans. Here, four of them recall that day
    25 years of The Independent on Sunday: The stories, the writers and the changes over the last quarter of a century

    25 years of The Independent on Sunday

    The stories, the writers and the changes over the last quarter of a century
    Homeless Veterans appeal: 'Really caring is a dangerous emotion in this kind of work'

    Homeless Veterans appeal

    As head of The Soldiers' Charity, Martin Rutledge has to temper compassion with realism. He tells Chris Green how his Army career prepared him
    Wu-Tang Clan and The Sexual Objects offer fans a chance to own the only copies of their latest albums

    Smash hit go under the hammer

    It's nice to pick up a new record once in a while, but the purchasers of two latest releases can go a step further - by buying the only copy
    Geeks who rocked the world: Documentary looks back at origins of the computer-games industry

    The geeks who rocked the world

    A new documentary looks back at origins of the computer-games industry
    Belle & Sebastian interview: Stuart Murdoch reveals how the band is taking a new direction

    Belle & Sebastian is taking a new direction

    Twenty years ago, Belle & Sebastian was a fey indie band from Glasgow. It still is – except today, as prime mover Stuart Murdoch admits, it has a global cult following, from Hollywood to South Korea