Opinions: Which politician would you most like to smack?

SIMON McQUEEN, artist: Michael Portillo should be smacked around the head with a copy of the Criminal Justice Bill. I know it's not strictly relevant to him but he seems like a good person to do it to. It's fairly sad actually because I don't really know any Labour ones, apart from the geezer who's just taken over as leader - what's his name?

ANTHONY SAMPSON, writer: The most obvious person is John Gummer because he is so childish. His cockiness is typical of the child of a clergyman; he's bumptious the whole time and asks to be smacked, but so far nobody has dared to do it.

JACKIE KAY, poet: Both Bottomleys, since they deserve it by name alone, then I'd work my way through the entire cabinet.

LINDI StCLAIR, Miss Whiplash: All of them, the males especially. Tony Banks is at the top of my list because he promised me a book launch at the House of Commons and then reneged. He's a small person so he'd fit on my lap easily.

CLEM, Big Issue vendor: If ever there was a spoilt brat that deserved a good seeing-to it's Michael Portillo. I'd also like to smack Baroness Thatcher over the back of the head with a ruler.

MARQUESS OF BLANDFORD: Robert Key because he was my tutor at Harrow and he was a dork. I think he was a junior minister until recently, something to do with roads.

CLARE RAMOS, mother: Do you mean smacking or punching in the teeth? I'd smack Michael Portillo for being such a slimy git.

NICK FISHER, agony uncle: John Patten has one of those faces that seems designed for smacking. I'd certainly like to smack Brian Mawhinney since he slapped my wrists when he forced my Pocket Guide to Sex to be withdrawn.

BILLY BRAGG, songwriter: Every time I see Michael Howard on telly I feel this uncontrollable urge to smack him one. I think it's his horribly fixed smirk. Surely a smirk like that should debar someone from becoming a minister. It's his eyes, too.

ANGUS SHARPLES, teacher: Tony Blair, because he is such a hypocrite. The Labour Party has become now the Conservative Party with a small 'c'. But despite that he's still a goddam commie. And I don't like David Blunkett either. He's horrible, he is. So arrogant on the TV.

PROMOTED VIDEO
Have you tried new the Independent Digital Edition apps?
Life and Style
ebookNow available in paperback
ebooks
ebookPart of The Independent’s new eBook series The Great Composers
Latest stories from i100
Have you tried new the Independent Digital Edition apps?
Independent Dating
and  

By clicking 'Search' you
are agreeing to our
Terms of Use.

ES Rentals

    iJobs Job Widget
    iJobs General

    Recruitment Genius: Fundraising Manager / Income Generation Coach

    £21000 - £25000 per annum: Recruitment Genius: A smart software company locate...

    Recruitment Genius: Senior Account Manager

    £25000 per annum: Recruitment Genius: Busy, friendly and creative marketing ag...

    Ashdown Group: IT Support Analyst - London - £45,000

    £35000 - £45000 per annum + benefits: Ashdown Group: IT Support Analyst - Wes...

    Recruitment Genius: Media Telesales Executive

    £20000 - £25000 per annum: Recruitment Genius: This is an exciting opportunity...

    Day In a Page

    Syria crisis: Celebrities call on David Cameron to take more refugees as one young mother tells of torture by Assad regime

    Celebrities call on David Cameron to take more Syrian refugees

    One young mother tells of torture by Assad regime
    The enemy within: People who hear voices in their heads are being encouraged to talk back – with promising results

    The enemy within

    People who hear voices in their heads are being encouraged to talk back
    'In Auschwitz you got used to anything'

    'In Auschwitz you got used to anything'

    Survivors of the Nazi concentration camp remember its horror, 70 years on
    Autumn/winter menswear 2015: The uniforms that make up modern life come to the fore

    Autumn/winter menswear 2015

    The uniforms that make up modern life come to the fore
    'I'm gay, and plan to fight military homophobia'

    'I'm gay, and plan to fight military homophobia'

    Army general planning to come out
    Iraq invasion 2003: The bloody warnings six wise men gave to Tony Blair as he prepared to launch poorly planned campaign

    What the six wise men told Tony Blair

    Months before the invasion of Iraq in 2003, experts sought to warn the PM about his plans. Here, four of them recall that day
    25 years of The Independent on Sunday: The stories, the writers and the changes over the last quarter of a century

    25 years of The Independent on Sunday

    The stories, the writers and the changes over the last quarter of a century
    Homeless Veterans appeal: 'Really caring is a dangerous emotion in this kind of work'

    Homeless Veterans appeal

    As head of The Soldiers' Charity, Martin Rutledge has to temper compassion with realism. He tells Chris Green how his Army career prepared him
    Wu-Tang Clan and The Sexual Objects offer fans a chance to own the only copies of their latest albums

    Smash hit go under the hammer

    It's nice to pick up a new record once in a while, but the purchasers of two latest releases can go a step further - by buying the only copy
    Geeks who rocked the world: Documentary looks back at origins of the computer-games industry

    The geeks who rocked the world

    A new documentary looks back at origins of the computer-games industry
    Belle & Sebastian interview: Stuart Murdoch reveals how the band is taking a new direction

    Belle & Sebastian is taking a new direction

    Twenty years ago, Belle & Sebastian was a fey indie band from Glasgow. It still is – except today, as prime mover Stuart Murdoch admits, it has a global cult following, from Hollywood to South Korea
    America: Land of the free, home of the political dynasty

    America: Land of the free, home of the political dynasty

    These days in the US things are pretty much stuck where they are, both in politics and society at large, says Rupert Cornwell
    A graphic history of US civil rights – in comic book form

    A graphic history of US civil rights – in comic book form

    A veteran of the Fifties campaigns is inspiring a new generation of activists
    Winston Churchill: the enigma of a British hero

    Winston Churchill: the enigma of a British hero

    A C Benson called him 'a horrid little fellow', George Orwell would have shot him, but what a giant he seems now, says DJ Taylor
    Growing mussels: Precious freshwater shellfish are thriving in a unique green project

    Growing mussels

    Precious freshwater shellfish are thriving in a unique green project