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If you are going to be famous for just one thing it's a pretty nice thing to be famous for.

Jane Birkin, on being told by a London taxi driver that he'd had three children to Je t'aime, Scotland on Sunday

My girlfriend loves dancing, but I am not that keen, probably because I like talking too much.

David Baddiel, comedian and author, Times

[He] was abandoned at the age of six for being too annoying, and had to bring himself up.

Richard Curtis, screenwriter, on the character Mr Bean, ibid

Someone saw his name and complained. I said, 'You shouldn't have fucked me.' He said, 'I didn't know you were going to be a famous artist and make a tent'.

Tracey Emin, artist, defending her tent decorated with the names of everyone she's ever slept with, Guardian

There was this drunk woman, with a can of beer in her hand and all her hair in a mess. She actually looked like a real, whole, rounded person.

Tracey Emin on meeting fellow artist Sarah Lucas, ibid

Fiction is the only way to redeem the formlessness of life: otherwise the stuff itself would strike me as unendurably thin.

Martin Amis, Times

While I find beauty in death, these are nevertheless rotting bodies. You look at them and remind yourself, this is how we all end up.

Anthony-Noel Kelly, artist arrested for body-snatching, on his use of corpses, Guardian

I said to Helen Mirren, "Do you just do nudes when it's necessary to the plot?" She said, "It never is".

Kate Beckinsale, actress, Independent

I will never end my love affair with the BBC, which I think is a force for truth in the world.

Martin Bell, on his resignation after 35 years, Telegraph

[What Anthony Minghella has done] is worth millions of pounds in advertising. He publicises the Isle of Wight wherever he goes - we can be proud to be islanders. He is a great inspiration to island youngsters and an example of what they can too achieve.

Leader of the Isle of Wight council, Morris Barton, explaining why Oscar- winning islander Anthony Minghella is to become a freeman of the Isle, Independent.

I think it's worrying that every script says we think your character would probably have a shower at this point. Well, she'd probably have a shit at this point but you don't want to see that.

Kate Beckinsdale, ibid.

I was always able to talk to my mum. I could say anything from, 'What's a blow job?' to 'Are you sure you still love me?' My family are very respectful of analysis.

Kate Beckinsdale, ibid.

I feel like Liam Gallagher

Neil Hamilton, after winning the backing of his local party members, Telegraph

I have never looked in the eyes of a man and found any beauty. Lord have mercy! And where there is no beauty, there is no Proby. No poetry, no Proby.

PJ Proby, Telegraph

Nowadays girls are filthy. They sleep with all kinds, earn their own income and don't need to rely on a man. I don't want a woman if she don't want to rely on me. No romance, no Proby.

PJ Proby, ibid.

All married couples frighten each other because they have the power to hurt each other

Jilly Cooper, Independent

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