PARTY ON

As if London's media bores need any more excuses to go drinking together, The Media Club has just popped up to service the needs of the Noho crew (that's North of Soho to you). An outraged Daily Mail photographer was escorted out as I arrived for the launch (a good sign) followed by a Sky film crew going in (not so good). The club itself was piney, smelt of paint and reminded me of nothing so much as an aerobics studio. Tory Conference Ikea furniture hovered ethereally around the edges while a jazz band gamely sang to themselves in the absence of any interest from the guests. Meanwhile, the chosen few were flexing their drinking muscles, trowelling in the free food and regaling each other with tales of their own magnificence. I think, in media terms, that qualifies as a success.

Watching a white stallion having a crap in a courtyard is an interesting way to start an evening out. But then, the Velvet Goldmine bash was all about excess so, on this occasion, I'm prepared to forgive and forget.

This premiere/party combo in Piccadilly was undoubtedly the hottest ticket in town this week, although Ewan McGregor's geography teacher beard on the night - a Richard Stilgoe creation if ever I saw one - put the OTT fabulousness of the evening in temporary jeopardy.

Luckily, everyone else at the afterparty made up for it. A feast for the senses, this was soft-porn heaven, from the lipstick kiss on on the invite to the exquisitely attired "hired help". There seemed to be a naked - completely naked - girl at almost every turn, the poor lambs freezing their proverbials off under a sheen of bodypaint, while posing tirelessly for grateful tabloid photographers.

A bed big enough to sumo-wrestle on was being utilised by giggling girls in fluffy negligees, who proceeded to roll around "exclusively" for the excitable OK! snapper. ( I declined on the grounds that it might incriminate me at a later date.)

Meanwhile, in another room, flesh was being tattooed, passing men were being tickled with feathers and Bowie lookalikes were mincing around as if their buttocks were glued together. Even the statues were wearing ponsy feathered hats.

Revelling in all this decadence were Boy George, his very own ponsy hat and red PVCed friend, all of whom proceeded to get lost on the three levels of elegant dancefloors, balconies and courtyards, along with the rather angry-looking Johnny Lee Miller and Lock Stock's ubiquitous pretty party boy Nick Moran - who, at this rate, must be close to securing his own social column by now.

"Honestly, I do know who you are," Moran bleated to a blonde who'd called his bluff on his knowing her name. The amazing thing is, it turned out that he did know it. Which may be good news for the waif-like blonde, but it's hardly Seventies superstar behaviour, is it? On the other hand, it's perfect for that career at Tatler.

It's hard to imagine a 500-strong waiting list for an ad agency party (can anyone truly be this desperate?). But then, this was no ordinary bash. BMP DDB - hot to trot in the advertising industry but completely unknown to anyone else - was celebrating its 30th birthday party in style at the Albert Hall.

Mark Lamarr played host to two hours of commercials (ironically, with only one break) which included classics (ie, I like them), such as the Honey Monster and the 'For Mash get Smash' aliens. Even Tony Blair, bless 'im, popped up on screen to say a headmasterish "Well done", as did the Prince of Darkness, who promptly got booed off.

The food was, um, a surprise or, as BMP chief exec Chris Powell cheerfully admitted, "bizarre". Personally I don't have a problem with cocktail sausages on a stick, but even I had to swap over to the nachos after a while. Culinary blunders aside, the assembled masses which included an eclectic set of celebs such as Caroline Aherne, Caroline Quentin, Patricia Hodge and Andy Kershaw, all enjoyed the best TV they've seen in years.

Oh, the irony of it all.

Have you tried new the Independent Digital Edition apps?
Life and Style
ebookNow available in paperback
ebooks
ebookA delicious collection of 50 meaty main courses
Latest stories from i100
Have you tried new the Independent Digital Edition apps?
Independent Dating
and  

By clicking 'Search' you
are agreeing to our
Terms of Use.

SPONSORED FEATURES

ES Rentals

    iJobs Job Widget
    iJobs General

    Recruitment Genius: Sales Executive or Senior Sales Executive - B2B Exhibitions

    £18000 - £30000 per annum: Recruitment Genius: A Sales Executive or Senior Sal...

    Recruitment Genius: Head of Support Services

    £40000 - £55000 per annum: Recruitment Genius: This is an exciting opportunity...

    Recruitment Genius: Warehouse Team Leader

    £22000 per annum: Recruitment Genius: This industry leading company produces h...

    Recruitment Genius: Business Development Manager / Sales - OTE £40,000

    £20000 - £40000 per annum: Recruitment Genius: This IT provider for the educat...

    Day In a Page

    The Silk Roads that trace civilisation: Long before the West rose to power, Asian pathways were connecting peoples and places

    The Silk Roads that trace civilisation

    Long before the West rose to power, Asian pathways were connecting peoples and places
    House of Lords: Outcry as donors, fixers and MPs caught up in expenses scandal are ennobled

    The honours that shame Britain

    Outcry as donors, fixers and MPs caught up in expenses scandal are ennobled
    When it comes to street harassment, we need to talk about race

    'When it comes to street harassment, we need to talk about race'

    Why are black men living the stereotypes and why are we letting them get away with it?
    International Tap Festival: Forget Fred Astaire and Ginger Rogers - this dancing is improvised, spontaneous and rhythmic

    International Tap Festival comes to the UK

    Forget Fred Astaire and Ginger Rogers - this dancing is improvised, spontaneous and rhythmic
    War with Isis: Is Turkey's buffer zone in Syria a matter of self-defence – or just anti-Kurd?

    Turkey's buffer zone in Syria: self-defence – or just anti-Kurd?

    Ankara accused of exacerbating racial division by allowing Turkmen minority to cross the border
    Doris Lessing: Acclaimed novelist was kept under MI5 observation for 18 years, newly released papers show

    'A subversive brothel keeper and Communist'

    Acclaimed novelist Doris Lessing was kept under MI5 observation for 18 years, newly released papers show
    Big Blue Live: BBC's Springwatch offshoot swaps back gardens for California's Monterey Bay

    BBC heads to the Californian coast

    The Big Blue Live crew is preparing for the first of three episodes on Sunday night, filming from boats, planes and an aquarium studio
    Austin Bidwell: The Victorian fraudster who shook the Bank of England with the most daring forgery the world had known

    Victorian fraudster who shook the Bank of England

    Conman Austin Bidwell. was a heartless cad who carried out the most daring forgery the world had known
    Car hacking scandal: Security designed to stop thieves hot-wiring almost every modern motor has been cracked

    Car hacking scandal

    Security designed to stop thieves hot-wiring almost every modern motor has been cracked
    10 best placemats

    Take your seat: 10 best placemats

    Protect your table and dine in style with a bold new accessory
    Ashes 2015: Alastair Cook not the only one to be caught in The Oval mindwarp

    Cook not the only one to be caught in The Oval mindwarp

    Aussie skipper Michael Clarke was lured into believing that what we witnessed at Edgbaston and Trent Bridge would continue in London, says Kevin Garside
    Can Rafael Benitez get the best out of Gareth Bale at Real Madrid?

    Can Benitez get the best out of Bale?

    Back at the club he watched as a boy, the pressure is on Benitez to find a winning blend from Real's multiple talents. As La Liga begins, Pete Jenson asks if it will be enough to stop Barcelona
    Athletics World Championships 2015: Beijing witnesses new stage in the Jessica Ennis-Hill and Katarina Johnson-Thompson heptathlon rivalry

    Beijing witnesses new stage in the Jess and Kat rivalry

    The last time the two British heptathletes competed, Ennis-Hill was on the way to Olympic gold and Johnson-Thompson was just a promising teenager. But a lot has happened in the following three years
    Jeremy Corbyn: Joining a shrewd operator desperate for power as he visits the North East

    Jeremy Corbyn interview: A shrewd operator desperate for power

    His radical anti-austerity agenda has caught the imagination of the left and politically disaffected and set a staid Labour leadership election alight
    Isis executes Palmyra antiquities chief: Defender of ancient city's past was killed for protecting its future

    Isis executes Palmyra antiquities chief

    Robert Fisk on the defender of the ancient city's past who was killed for protecting its future