Thursday 04 June 1998
After long negotiations
And examining of rules
Then the forming of a quango
On the Euro family jewels
Came a tangle over measures
And a wrangle over weights
On the minimum requirement
For the leading member states
The Belgian chairman uttered
"It's as broad as it is long."
While a British colleague sputtered,
"Then you're measuring it wrong
With inaccuracies legion
We must look to a Norwegian
Since they gain in certain areas
What they seem to lack in song."
Then a Danish spokesman stated
That it made him rather proud
Of his fellow Scandinavians
But it shouldn't be allowed
Since it might dismay Italians
Who as European stallions
Must maintain a reputation
For being trouserly endowed
So the conversation covered
Every facet and position
Might the teat need reassessing
For a standardised emission?
And the ribbing calibrations?
Should they leave them as they are?
What about the lubrication?
Could they stretch a point too far?
But the one thing they agreed on
As a Euro pre-condition
Was that cellophane on packets
Should remain to blight coition
So that European lovers
Irrespective of their nation
End up cursing in the darkness
On the brink of copulation
Life & Style blogs
Who is Teresa Fidalgo? Debunking the fake ghost story that's got Instagram spooked
Geeks who rocked the world: Documentary looks back at origins of the computer-games industry
Ukip's official health spokesperson: 'Honestly, I have no experience in health whatsoever'
Deliberately urinating before sex can increase risk of urinary tract infections
Doctors to trial 29-point checklist for elderly patients facing 'unavoidable' death
British Muslim leaders outraged after Eric Pickles says followers of Islam should 'prove their identity'
UK terror fears: My jihadist son returned from Syria mentally scarred – now he is being ignored
Nigel Farage: NHS might have to be replaced by private health insurance
Billy Crystal: 'Stop shoving gay sex scenes in my face'
'We would evict Queen from Buckingham Palace and allocate her council house,' say Greens
French court convicts three over homophobic tweets, in case hailed as a 'significant victory' by LGBT rights campaigners
- 1 The truth about 'girl things': Three cheers for Heather Watson's honesty
- 2 Man who held up 'hire me' sign at Waterloo station returns a year later with 'I'm hiring' sign
- 3 Saudi preacher who 'raped and tortured' his five -year-old daughter to death is released after paying 'blood money'
- 4 Tennis fan suing Australian Open organisers for 'failing to shade spectators' during Murray match
- 5 Men behaving badly: Urinating while standing, 'manspreading' and the gendering of selfishness
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