1 Lifestyle. Do you identify most with the characters on:
a) This Life
c) Game On
Answer: a). If you chose b), you're a liar. But if you aren't, could I have your phone number? If you chose c), you should be worried. Not because you've got a life like they have on Game On, but because you watch the programme in the first place.
2 Food. You go out to a restaurant with your parents. Who pays?
a) You do
b) Your parents do
c) Oh Christ, do I have to come? It's so boring. And what if some body sees me?
Answer: it's a trick question. You should have chosen a) and b). That is, your parents pay, but only after you've made a half-hearted offer of paying yourself. If you chose c), you're in your mid-teens. But don't worry, this attitude will pass, probably at the very second you leave home and have to buy your own food every day.
3 Money. Do you have:
a) More than you've ever had before
b) less than you've ever had before?
Answer: it's a trick question. You should have chosen a) and b). In theory, you've got more money than you've ever had before, as cash is coming in on a regular basis, at last. But what with the debts and the bills and the taxes and the rent, you end up being poorer than you were when you survived on pocket money. That's how it feels, anyway.
4 Music. Are you stompin' and livin' it large at the Big Beat Boutique's House of Love?
c) I'm sorry, would you mind re- peating that, please?
Answer: it's a trick question. You should have chosen a) and b). You may not be stompin' and livin' it large at the Big Beat Boutique's House of Love, but you shouldn't admit to it until you're in your thirties.
5 Children. How do you feel about having them?
a) You definitely want to have them
b) You don't want to have them at the moment, but who knows, maybe in a few years' time
c) You love all the children of the world, for they are our future and they need a voice.
Answer: it's a trick question. If you chose a) you're a twentysomething female, if you chose b) you're a twentysomething male, and if you chose c) you're Michael Jackson.
6 Conversation. Which are you most likely to discuss in the pub?
a) How the currency markets will react if the Bank of England raises interest rates by another quarter of a point
b) The relative fanciability of George Clooney and Brad Pitt/ Michelle Pfeiffer and Salma Hayek
c) Which is better, Teletubbies or The Magic Roundabout?
Answer: it's a trick question. You should have chosen all three. That's the thing about being a twentysomething, you see. You're an adult, yet your mind is still cluttered with childish things. Ah, the paradox.