The artificiality of the public relations world has made me realise even more how lucky I am to have all the other things, all the real things.

PR guru Max Clifford.

He's all small talk. The smartest thing I've ever heard him say is "good morning".

Comedian Spike Milligan on TV personality Chris Evans.

It looks a bit like a naked merchant banker contemplating suicide from a Manhattan window ledge. All the tramps were shouting "Jump, you bastard, jump".

Onlooker describing the new statue of Christ in London's Trafalgar Square.

I am happy with my Egyptian passport. When you were wearing the animal skin and fighting with sticks, we were building the pyramids.

Harrods boss Mohamed Al Fayed.

A team of Customs officers netted a pounds 34m haul of cocaine in an operation that cost pounds 50m. Why didn't they just buy it?

Nick Allen, of Oxford, in a letter to 'The Independent'.

There are many people whose speech is so dependent on that one expletive that they are virtually dumbstruck without it.

A 'New Guide to British English' published in the 'Lonely Planet' series, on the "F" word.