Real Bodies: Rehab Notes

ON FRIDAY night, we had our weekly "film show": a video. We're allowed to choose the video, the only proviso being that it can't contain scenes of drinking, sex, gambling, violence, shopping, relationship addiction, eating or - if it exists yet on screen - compulsive helping. Try this sometime in your local video shop. The Incredible Journey looms large, as does Free Willie, though both are in the danger zone, thanks to their portrayed sympathy towards compulsive helping.

As it happened, Cynthia arrived at the clinic on Thursday night. She is a pretty 35-year old from Bradford, admitted for heroin and sex addiction. She was all over the place and the usual good people, or compulsive helpers as we must now call them, instantly looked after her. One, Marjorie, once helped someone so compulsively that she landed in hospital with a life- threatening asthma attack.

But after much jostling for position, it was Nathan, our 16-year-old gambling addict, compulsive liar and nouveau over-eater, who got closest to Cynthia. We should have been suspicious: Nathan is never any help at all, let alone compulsive.

I can't remember what film we chose, so it was probably Carousel. The chairs in the sitting room were lined up in rows. The sofa at the back contained Cynthia and Nathan. The lights went out.

It was after the film was over, when we smokers were "enjoying" a cigarette break in the biting cold outside, that Nathan revealed: "I shagged Cynthia during the film."

You have to know Nathan to understand properly the dilemma this put us in. He's the most unlikely back row shagger imaginable. He's very large, prefers sweets to sex - at any rate, with another person - slobbers a lot and is intensely irritating. On the other hand, Cynthia is a sex addict.

If addiction were scientifically provable, shagging Nathan on a sofa in a sock-smelly room while watching Carousel would probably constitute the acid test. Cynthia fiercely denied it.

So. Did we believe Nathan, a compulsive liar, that they did shag, or Cynthia, a sex addict, that they didn't? Opinion seethed back and forth. At Process Group on Saturday morning, it all came out in one colossal heave. Nathan admitted he'd been lying, Cynthia socked him in the mouth and, within 15 minutes, her bag was packed and a taxi was called: no hitting is the unbreakable rule. Lust for violence against Nathan for this injustice, however, was huge. And that's just from watching Carousel.

Have you tried new the Independent Digital Edition apps?
Life and Style
ebookNow available in paperback
ebooks
ebookA delicious collection of 50 meaty main courses
Latest stories from i100
Have you tried new the Independent Digital Edition apps?
Independent Dating
and  

By clicking 'Search' you
are agreeing to our
Terms of Use.

ES Rentals

    iJobs Job Widget
    iJobs General

    Recruitment Genius: Home Care / Support Workers

    £7 - £10 per hour: Recruitment Genius: This care provider is looking for Home ...

    Recruitment Genius: Web Team Leader

    £30000 - £35000 per annum: Recruitment Genius: One of the UK's leading web des...

    Recruitment Genius: Client Manager

    £27000 - £35000 per annum: Recruitment Genius: A growing, successful, friendly...

    Recruitment Genius: Property Negotiator - OTE £20,000+

    £16000 - £25000 per annum: Recruitment Genius: This family owned, independent ...

    Day In a Page

    Greece says 'No': A night of huge celebrations in Athens as voters decisively back Tsipras and his anti-austerity stance in historic referendum

    Greece referendum

    Greeks say 'No' to austerity and plunge Europe into crisis
    Ten years after the 7/7 terror attacks, is Britain an altered state?

    7/7 bombings anniversary

    Ten years after the terror attacks, is Britain an altered state?
    Beautiful evening dresses are some of the loveliest Donatella has created

    Versace haute couture review

    Beautiful evening dresses are some of the loveliest Donatella has ever created
    No hope and no jobs, so Gaza's young risk their lives, climb the fence and run for it

    No hope and no jobs in Gaza

    So the young risk their lives and run for it
    Fashion apps: Retailers roll together shopping and social networking for mobile customers

    Fashion apps

    Retailers roll together shopping and social networking for mobile customers
    The Greek referendum exposes a gaping hole at the heart of the European Union – its distinct lack of any genuine popular legitimacy

    Gaping hole at the heart of the European Union

    Treatment of Greece has shown up a lack of genuine legitimacy
    Number of young homeless in Britain 'more than three times the official figures'

    'Everything changed when I went to the hostel'

    Number of young homeless people in Britain is 'more than three times the official figures'
    Compton Cricket Club

    Compton Cricket Club

    Portraits of LA cricketers from notorious suburb to be displayed in London
    London now the global money-laundering centre for the drug trade, says crime expert

    Wlecome to London, drug money-laundering centre for the world

    'Mexico is its heart and London is its head'
    The Buddhist temple minutes from Centre Court that helps a winner keep on winning

    The Buddhist temple minutes from Centre Court

    It helps a winner keep on winning
    Is this the future of flying: battery-powered planes made of plastic, and without flight decks?

    Is this the future of flying?

    Battery-powered planes made of plastic, and without flight decks
    Isis are barbarians – but the Caliphate is a dream at the heart of all Muslim traditions

    Isis are barbarians

    but the Caliphate is an ancient Muslim ideal
    The Brink's-Mat curse strikes again: three tons of stolen gold that brought only grief

    Curse of Brink's Mat strikes again

    Death of John 'Goldfinger' Palmer the latest killing related to 1983 heist
    Greece debt crisis: 'The ministers talk to us about miracles' – why Greeks are cynical ahead of the bailout referendum

    'The ministers talk to us about miracles'

    Why Greeks are cynical ahead of the bailout referendum
    Call of the wild: How science is learning to decode the way animals communicate

    Call of the wild

    How science is learning to decode the way animals communicate