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Bean (PG), Polygram, rental, 13 Feb

Under Mel Smith's appalling direction, Rowan Atkinson's gurning, gurgling creation extends his reign of terror to California. Determined to be rid of their inept gallery attendant, the "Royal National Gallery" packs Bean off to the US to accompany a Whistler painting to a new home. Disaster strikes at every turn, with exploding bags of sick, splattering sneezes and wet trousers - humour its lowest level. And Bean possesses a streak of unrepentant maliciousness that leaves little room for sympathy. His inadequacies are pathetic, his appearance repellent and his behaviour excruciating. Entertainment for the intellectually challenged. H

Grosse Pointe Blank (15), Buena Vista, rental, 10 Feb

Martin Blank (John Cusack) is a disconsolate assassin who returns to his high school for a 10-year reunion. Blank seeks to reintroduce himself to his ex-girlfriend (Minnie Driver) but he must also carry out an assassination in the area. There are heartfelt scenes as Blank revisits his past only to find it irreversibly altered. Feeling the differences between his circumstances and that of his school friends, he imagines the scenario: "I killed the president of Paraguay with a fork. How have you been?" An engagingly kooky black comedy, despite its silly title. HHH

The Leading Man (15) Fox, rental 9 Feb

Shots of Jon Bon Jovi bare-chested, leather-trousered and attempting to look mysterious make parts of John Duigan's picture look not unlike your average rock video. Funny that. JBJ plays a Hollywood star who, on a vainglorious whim, takes to the London stage and is set up by the playwright to sleep with his wife. As sleeping partners and prop guns are swapped, any tension is short-lived and a promising plot slides into unintentionally ludicrous farce. H

Romeo + Juliet (12), Fox, retail pounds 15.99. 9 Feb

Only the text is left intact in Baz Luhrmann's explosive adaptation of Shakespeare's enduring love story. In a latter-day Verona Beach, the Montague/Capulet gangs are distinguished by designer vs Vietcong street fashion. The iambic pentameter is barely audible in the midst of gunfire, CNN reports and the thud of West Coast hip-hop. But romance tempers the chaos as stolen glances and furtive hand-holding are guaranteed to melt the hardest of hearts. HHHH

Fiona Sturges