REHAB NOTES

PAOLO WAS allowed back on Monday. "I am not guilty," he said. "I am Paolo and I am not guilty." Several women took the opportunity to swoon at this somewhat pre-emptive remark simply because of Paolo's drop- dead gorgeous accent. No one thought to ask, "Guilty of what, Paolo?" He went on to explain how his soul has been uplifted by a light beam from heaven which follows him wherever he goes. To everyone but the soppiest of the women, it's clear he's taken a small containerload of Ecstasy.

Bridget the Showjumper then leapt in, characteristically not looking at what was on the other side. "We're all guilty, Paolo," she stated firmly, realised what she'd said, and burst into tears. Bridget then sobbed out a story in which she sees herself as guilty.

She had a row with her banker husband at the end of which he drove off, ran over her leg and broke it. She somehow drove to hospital in her own car. After her leg had been set, her husband picked her up, complaining that he'd have to get a taxi back to get her car. Bridget feels guilty at the inconvenience this caused him.

As so often here, it's tempting to say, "For Christ's sake, you stupid bitch, pull yourself together!"

The best I can do, however, is, "Your husband's clearly a complete bastard and you're not guilty of anything."

A lot of us in here feel guilty. Thanks to addiction, we've all done stupid, bad and, in some cases, terrible things. Some of us want to believe that, like other illnesses, addiction is no one's fault.

To this end, our Head of Heads and King of Kings explained at his Saturday lecture that research has demonstrated that the vast majority of orphan children of addicts who have been raised by non-addict adoptive parents grew up with addictive tendencies. In other words, it's genetic. No one's to blame. And this makes some people here feel better.

To my mind, it's of academic interest only. I don't feel guilty and the only thing that matters to me is what I'm going to do about myself.

I next come across Paolo and Bridget huddled in the phone booth. She's avidly feeding him coins for the phone so he can tell Bridget's friend about the 400 million or so men he's had sex with in the past 10 weeks. They're giggling hysterically. It's the most startling image I've seen in here of someone literally feeding their addiction.

Guilt infests them both, so what do they do? Work themselves into a state of sexual hysteria over the minutiae of Paolo's ghastly penile adventures. If I weren't mad already, it would be enough to drive me bloody mad.

Voices
voices
News
President Obama, one of the more enthusiastic users of the fist bump
newsBumping fists rather than shaking hands could reduce the spread of infectious diseases, it is claimed
Life and Style
Upright, everything’s all right (to a point): remaining on one’s feet has its health benefits – though in moderation
HealthIf sitting is bad for your health, what happens when you stay on your feet for a whole month?
News
newsHad asteroid hit earlier or later in history, the creatures might have survived, say scientists
PROMOTED VIDEO
Have you tried new the Independent Digital Edition apps?
Life and Style
ebookA wonderful selection of salads, starters and mains featuring venison, grouse and other game
Arts and Entertainment
Peter Griffin holds forth in The Simpsons Family Guy crossover episode
arts + ents
Sport
Laura Trott with her gold
Commonwealth GamesJust 48 hours earlier cyclist was under the care of a doctor
Arts and Entertainment
Gal Gadot as Wonder Woman
arts + entsFilmmaker posted a picture of Israeli actress Gal Gadot on Twitter
News
Bryan had a bracelet given to him by his late father stolen during the raid
people
Arts and Entertainment
Chris Pratt stars in Guardians of the Galaxy
arts + ents
Arts and Entertainment
Pedro Pascal gives a weird look at the camera in the blooper reel
arts + entsPrince Oberyn nearly sets himself on fire with a flaming torch
News
Danny Nickerson, 6, has received 15,000 cards and presents from well-wishers around the world
newsDanny loves to see his name on paper, so his mother put out a request for cards - it went viral
Sport
France striker Loic Remy
sportThe QPR striker flew to Boston earlier in the week to complete deal
News
Orville and Keith Harris. He covered up his condition by getting people to read out scripts to him
People
Arts and Entertainment
Zoe Saldana stars in this summer's big hope Guardians of the Galaxy
filmHollywood's summer blockbusters are no longer money-spinners
Arts and Entertainment
O'Shaughnessy pictured at the Unicorn Theatre in London
tvFiona O'Shaughnessy explains where she ends and her strange and wonderful character begins
Life and Style
Workers in Seattle are paid 100 times as much as workers in Bangladesh
fashionSeattle company lets customers create their own clothes, then click 'buy' and wait for delivery
Independent
Travel Shop
the manor
Up to 70% off luxury travel
on city breaks Find out more
santorini
Up to 70% off luxury travel
on chic beach resorts Find out more
sardina foodie
Up to 70% off luxury travel
on country retreats Find out more
Latest stories from i100
Have you tried new the Independent Digital Edition apps?
Independent Dating
and  

By clicking 'Search' you
are agreeing to our
Terms of Use.

ES Rentals

    iJobs Job Widget
    iJobs General

    year 5 teacher

    £21000 - £32000 per annum: Randstad Education Chelmsford: Would you like to wo...

    Supply Teacher

    £100 - £120 per day: Randstad Education Chelmsford: Would you like to have a b...

    Supply Teacher - Chelmsford

    £100 - £120 per day: Randstad Education Chelmsford: We urgently require Primar...

    Year 5 Teacher

    £21000 - £35000 per annum: Randstad Education Chelmsford: Would you like to wo...

    Day In a Page

    A new Russian revolution: Cracks start to appear in Putin’s Kremlin power bloc

    A new Russian revolution

    Cracks start to appear in Putin’s Kremlin power bloc
    Eugene de Kock: Apartheid’s sadistic killer that his country cannot forgive

    Apartheid’s sadistic killer that his country cannot forgive

    The debate rages in South Africa over whether Eugene de Kock should ever be released from jail
    Standing my ground: If sitting is bad for your health, what happens when you stay on your feet for a whole month?

    Standing my ground

    If sitting is bad for your health, what happens when you stay on your feet for a whole month?
    Commonwealth Games 2014: Dai Greene prays for chance to rebuild after injury agony

    Greene prays for chance to rebuild after injury agony

    Welsh hurdler was World, European and Commonwealth champion, but then the injuries crept in
    Israel-Gaza conflict: Secret report helps Israelis to hide facts

    Patrick Cockburn: Secret report helps Israel to hide facts

    The slickness of Israel's spokesmen is rooted in directions set down by pollster Frank Luntz
    The man who dared to go on holiday

    The man who dared to go on holiday

    New York's mayor has taken a vacation - in a nation that has still to enforce paid leave, it caused quite a stir, reports Rupert Cornwell
    Best comedians: How the professionals go about their funny business, from Sarah Millican to Marcus Brigstocke

    Best comedians: How the professionals go about their funny business

    For all those wanting to know how stand-ups keep standing, here are some of the best moments
    The Guest List 2014: Forget the Man Booker longlist, Literary Editor Katy Guest offers her alternative picks

    The Guest List 2014

    Forget the Man Booker longlist, Literary Editor Katy Guest offers her alternative picks
    Jokes on Hollywood: 'With comedy film audiences shrinking, it’s time to move on'

    Jokes on Hollywood

    With comedy film audiences shrinking, it’s time to move on
    It's the best of British art... but not all is on display

    It's the best of British art... but not all is on display

    Voted for by the British public, the artworks on Art Everywhere posters may be the only place where they can be seen
    Critic claims 'I was the inspiration for Blanche DuBois'

    Critic claims 'I was the inspiration for Blanche DuBois'

    Blanche Marvin reveals how Tennessee Williams used her name and an off-the-cuff remark to create an iconic character
    Sometimes it's hard to be a literary novelist

    Sometimes it's hard to be a literary novelist

    Websites offering your ebooks for nothing is only the latest disrespect the modern writer is subjected to, says DJ Taylor
    Edinburgh Fringe 2014: The comedy highlights, from Bridget Christie to Jack Dee

    Edinburgh Fringe 2014

    The comedy highlights, from Bridget Christie to Jack Dee
    Dame Jenny Abramsky: 'We have to rethink. If not, museums and parks will close'

    Dame Jenny Abramsky: 'We have to rethink. If not, museums and parks will close'

    The woman stepping down as chair of the Heritage Lottery Fund is worried