Gentleman of Verona
"A marriage?" I wonder, "Or funeral?"
"No, prima comunione," sings my elder daughter. All her schoolfriends are getting their first taste of the host today. And likewise Beppino, the boy in the flat downstairs who lets off bangers in any and every season. "Merda" - my wife foresees the worst, "all the restaurants will be booked up." For after committing their souls to Christ, the children must be regaled with rings and chains of gold over a three-course meal. "Where will we eat?" she wails.
Driving up the Valpolicella, I think how well I know those meals, how easy it is to be cynical about them, but how much I love to tuck in: pasta first, of course, then boiled meat, then tiramisu, and the fine tuning of the various wines, your stomach so accustomed to the procession of plates and glasses that the final grappa sends you on your way with the liturgical obviousness of the priest's blessing, or a friend's arrivederci. Until suddenly it occurs to me that your average Italian would have no truck with philosophies of individual choice. For in the end, surely, the Blair-Major chatter about family values is profoundly at loggerheads with the idea of freedom of choice. Hardly one of those kids went to catechism willingly. As, no doubt, they had to learn to like their carciofi. It takes coercion to transmit a culture.
As we drive, the children sing the signature song to a cartoon. In Japanese! And immediately I'm wondering whether people love singing things in foreign languages because they feel freed from responsibility, sliding along the grooves of something they don't understand. Didn't Plutarch remark in Quaestiones Graecae how the ceremonies most lovingly observed were the ones everyone had forgotten the meaning of? Certainly the book on child psychology I just read told me it was far more important to impose rules than explain them. "Don't burden your child with choices they're not ready for," this book said. So, "No, we're not stopping for a brioche right now," I tell my boy, Michele, brusquely. "Not right after breakfast," As if that could substitute for the religious education I haven't given him.
"Jonathan's found a woman he wants to marry at last," I fill Rita in on news of old friends in England. "Only he wants to wait a year to make sure she's the right one." We laugh over Jonathan's legendary caution. Then there's a new acquaintance who would love to have children but her man won't. Because contraception and abortion bring choice, too. The Pope knows we're not ready for it. Meanwhile, my wife brings me up to date on our neighbours' messy divorce: the husband can't choose between the mistress he left his wife for and the young girl he came across when he took a flat of his own. I recall Samuel Johnson's remark that the balance of weal and woe would not be greatly altered if spouses were chosen at random by the public registrar. Nowadays, not only does one have to choose one's wife in the first place (will the Asian communities be voting for individual choice?), but one must renew that choice every day. "Marco just wants to show he's free to make an unholy mess!" My wife naturally supports the wronged wife.
Bardalino. The sunny ceremony of the days here. The passeggiata along the neatly laid-out waterfront. Under enamelled skies. My son fishing from a jetty. My daughters giggling and bouncing about an inflatable pirate ship. My wife with cappuccino and Corriere della Sera. I'm thinking: imagine the barriers to freedom of choice rolling ever back; some future election manifesto: you can choose your child's sex, choose your own sex, you can choose your parents, choose your nationality, choose to come into the next life as a dog, or a cat, or a fruit bat. You can choose to be immortal. Or, most mind-boggling of all, a writer could choose his publisher. Think of the anguish, the responsibility! Who would you blame when you were unhappy, when your books didn't sell? And would there ever be any mental space left for such idle musing as I'm enjoying now? The huge pleasure of a day running on traditional rails while the mind roams free from any choice. "Except," I remind Rita, "we better head on home before the hordes come." For with clockwork reliability the Italians make for the lake in the early afternoon. They don't seem unhappy in their jams. Free thinkers, we weave in and out of their routines. Opening the garden gate in congratulatory mood, a banger goes off almost at our feet, and there's a child's newly blessed, demonic laugh
Tim Parks' latest novel, `Europa', is published by Secker & Warburg at pounds 9.99
Life & Style blogs
Video shows how to turn your phone into a 3D hologram
Gill Pharaoh: Healthy former nurse, 75, passes away at assisted dying clinic after deciding old age is 'awful'
Free porn websites could be shut down within months, says David Cameron
The difference between a psychopath and a sociopath
National Orgasm Day: Six reasons (plus one bogus one) why they're good for us
Yvette Cooper: Our choice is years of Tory rule under Jeremy Corbyn – or a return to a Labour government
Is Britain really full up? Are migrants taking our jobs? Leading academic answers the most common anti-immigration claims
Calais Migrant Crisis: Deputy Mayor of Calais labels Cameron's use of 'swarm' as 'racist' and 'ignorant'
While we fixate on Calais, the Home Office is quietly deporting dozens of migrants on 'ghost flights'
Calais crisis: The seven claims made about the migrants - and the reality
Calais crisis: For desperate migrants it is 'England or death' as they brave dogs, riot police and speeding trains
- 1 Video shows how to turn your phone into a 3D hologram
- 2 Artist Jamie McCartney: How The Great Wall of Vagina is a stand against 'body fascism'
- 3 Katie Hopkins reveals fear she will die during brain surgery to cure epilepsy
- 4 'Gene drive': Scientists sound alarm over supercharged GM organisms which could spread in the wild and cause environmental disasters
- 5 Dutch King Willem-Alexander declares the end of the welfare state
£18000 - £26000 per annum: Recruitment Genius: This is an opportunity for an I...
£17000 per annum: Recruitment Genius: They are a leading company in the field ...
£30000 - £35000 per annum: Recruitment Genius: This is an exciting opportunity...
£26041 - £34876 per annum: Recruitment Genius: There has never been a more exc...