CRASH! PORTRAIT NO.1

AN EXISTENCE BASED ON IMAGE AND WEALTH IS THE MOST COMPLETE

ARTICULATION OF BOURGEOIS RETARDATION.

Reject of the inequitable public school system, our oh-so care free social butterfly is the brainless incarnation of the contemptuous spoilt brat. Too useless to work, the coffers of Daddy's property business allow that nouveau-cuisine'd frame to be draped in the symbols of consumer condescension; an arrogant waste of wealth, blown without regard and owned for the pleasure of oppressive display. House paid for, child maternally neglected, money expropriated from your labour, the parasitic `it' girl feeds off the British fetishisation of the wealthy to secure a regular place within the photo- collages of the lesser Women's magazines and the Sunday tabloid supplements. This is a world out of time; a world where pigfaced in-breds mingle with the dregs of the monarchy, where deciding what to have for lunch is the hardest decision of the day, and where rubbing shoulders with other non- entities is considered a life. Forget the half-hearted references to `modelling' or `acting' careers, this one dimensional socialite merely desires attention so as to pamper the ego and justify her facile existence. In France they used a guillotine.

HUMANITY WILL NOT BE HAPPY UNTIL THE LAST HELLO! READER IS HANGED BY THE GUTS OF THE LAST CELEBRITY SOCIALITE.

Meanwhile, In A Large Central London Apartment The Telephone Is Ringing...

Tamara: Hi, me speaking.

Ulrike Meinhof: Hello, my name is Ulrike, I'm campaigning for the Red Army Faction...

Tamara: Sorry. Who?

Ulrike Meinhof: I'm from the R.A.F.

Tamara: Cool. Great guys, bombed the Nazis.

Ulrike Meinhof: That's right. So you'll make a contribution towards the struggle against bourgeois consumer capitalism?

Tamara: Look Ulrika, I don't mind making a donation, providing I get invited to do more `Shooting Stars'.

Ulrike Meinhof: That's fine. Shooting stars is high on our agenda, along with bombing bureaucrats and killing cops. Any further conditions?

Tamara: Well, I have to be on Mark's side.

Ulrike Meinhof: I too am on Marx's side. Tamara: You are? So who's on the other side?

Ulrike Meinhof: The whole might of Western Capitalism.

Tamara: Well, that's hardly fair.

CRASH! will be at the ICA for their one night only event `The Problem Is You' 27/11/97. See press for details.

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