Lunchtime, midweek in McDonald's, Leicester Square. I was expecting mayhem. Instead the queues are quite small. Mainly because they were being thinned out, with military precision, by Anna.

'Over here, over here, next please, next please,' she shouts in a high pitched accent. I suddenly found myself head of a queue and next in line to order. Panic. I had not decided. This had the effect of making me order the first things I saw: a McChicken sandwich meal (pounds 2.88 with a medium Coke and medium fries) and a sugared donut (57p). It took seconds to rustle up and I was dispatched with a crisp 'Enjoy your meal'.

Finding a table proved tricky, but I succeeded. The sandwich consisted of a crunchy patty covered in a large dollop of mayo, and a few frizzly lettuce snippets between a bun. Not good, but not bad. The chips were okay, the usual regulation salted shoestrings.

The donut presented serious problems. Crazy strength was required to prise it from its container and it tasted dreadful, like uncooked cake mixture. There was no sugar on it either. With a bite taken out of it, I took it back.

'There's no sugar on this,' I said. I was assured that I'd ordered a plain donut. I re-ordered, this time a chocolate covered donut. I was laughed at for having enough room to squeeze this in after the McChicken meal. Miffed, I slunk away. It was tastier, but shrank in my mouth without being chewed.

The place was spotless; no half-finished meals on tables. I was also pleased to note two high chairs for small children. The loos had a large queue, a McD staffer mopping the floor, and a rather dinky hand washing unit on the wall. A square silver hole to put your hands inside with buttons to push for soap, water and hot air. It made me think of aliens.

McDonald's, 5 Swiss Court W1(071 839 7909) Mon/Weds/Thurs

8am-2am Tues/Thurs 8am-3am Fri/Sat 8am-5am