The rules are there ain't no rules. Pile on as much as possible - zebra, tiger, pony, leopard. Clash, what clash? It's what it's all about, mix and match, snitch and snatch. It's Tongariro National Park meets National Velvet. Grab a pair of Marni clogs: wear them with jeans, suits, ballgowns and pyjamas. Anything goes, fashion fans.

The sheepskin gilet

We're talking urban shepherd. Baa Baa Black Sheep, have you any wool? Perfect with wellies. Useful for that moment between your front door and your LandRover. Dress it up with either smart trousers or classic A-line tweeds, or down for that market trader look. That's half a pound of potatoes and a turnip, love.

Biker boots

Vrrrrm, vrrrrm. It's Prada's knee-highs all the way this season. Wear with black leather jacket and stick-on facial tattoos for that Hell's Angel effect, or Darth Vader mask for a playful nod at sci-fi fashion. Excellent for digging the allotment. Wear with vintage greencrushed velvet skirts and itsywitsy fringed handbags for that extra special feminine touch.


Scary Stripe. This season's must-have accessory. Think Doctor Who meets Love Story. It's Tom Baker and Ali McGraw getting hot around the collar in the Tardis. And remember, if you can't wrap your scarf around your flat it's not long enough.

Gyspy girl

A central look for this winter: Middle Eastern dancing meets Caravan of Love. Fine detailing and fringes on shawls, skirts and ponchos are worn over bare legs for that frozen chicken look. Compensate on upper torso with voluminous woolie jumper. Offset with a pair of Queen Mum-style Miu Mius for that Second World War Oxfam-granny look.