Tequila sunrise The diary of Emma D May
Sunday 14 June 1998
SUNDAY12.01am: Head just starting to clear from ravages of Thursday night/Friday morning. Managed to drink unrelentingly through pre-match, post-match. Eurostar, return of the conquered heroes. Mistakenly stopped for a few hours. Bleurgh. Just reaching point of equilibrium again. "Eh! Crazy lady, you wan' more tequila, yes?" Jean-Luc comes in shoeless, topless, Gauloise- in-mouth, bottle in hand. My kinda guy. Manage to say, "yesh, grrrr, mmm," before Jean-Luc restarts full frontal assault on my weakened defence. F*** Vin-da-loo; this bit of Scotland scored one-more-than-you.
1.00am: Jean-Luc just about to score defining goal when doorbell rings. Grab a towel and run down to open door. It's Vikram and Dylan. "Nice strip," smirks Dylan. Tell him to piss off, which he interprets as "Come in, sit down and help yourself to Tequila." Just as I'm about to go back to bedroom and shove some clothes on, Jean-Luc emerges wearing nothing but a scowl before I field him back into the bedroom to the anthem of barely suppressed hysteria from D & V.
1.45am: Halfway down the duty free tequila mountain. Jean-Luc sprawled sulkily on sofa with legs splayed in some kind of macho "I own this little lady" statement. He hasn't said anything for about an hour but keeps trying to jam his hand down the front of my jeans. Doesn't understand that while this was totally OK in front of 200,000 total strangers in Paris, in front of two mates back home it's f***ing embarrassing. D & V are totally unperturbed, and seem to be settling in for a long night.
1.55am: Jean-Luc goes into kitchen to construct some canapes. "`kin' hell Anna, where d'you find that?" hisses Vikram. Manage to mumble, "Er, tagged onto me after the match, y'know." "Yeah, but what's he doing over here?" "Well, I asked him if he wanted to join the mile low club so I could hardly ask him to catch the next train back, could I?" "But the guy's, like, an animal," pipes up Dylan. I shrug. "Put it down to post- match Euphoria". "Yeah, Anna, but you lost."
2.15am: Jean-Luc emerges from the kitchen with a couple of shot glasses, lemon, salt and a fiendish grin. "Okay guys, `ow about a little France vs England match?" Start trying to explain that challenging D & V to a drinking match is about as wise as telling a Hells Angel that he looks lovely in pink. Jean-Luc raises himself up to his full 180cm. "You think I am not enough of a man for thees sons of beetches?" How do I find these guys?
3.15am: Bottle finished. V & D have decided they've discovered their new best mate. Jean-Luc has been regaling them with tales of his travels in Central America. Can already sense Dylan formulating his next herbal pilgrimage. "Is okay guys, we have other bottle in bedroom," beams Jean- Luc and bounds off. I glare at V & D. "For Christsake, call it a night!" "Quiet woman," huffs Vikram, "this is boys stuff. Right, had enough of this.
5.00am: Victory. V & D passed out. Jean-Luc gazing with unsteady admiration. "I always say you were crazy lady," he murmurs, eyes flicking shut. That's the problem with men; they pretend to enjoy it, but they never really understand the rules of the game.
Life & Style blogs
Half of young women unable to ‘locate vagina’ and 65% find it difficult to say the word
Is Apple's iCloud safe after leak of Jennifer Lawrence and other celebrities' nude photos?
Porn film production 'must stop in Los Angeles' after actor tests positive for HIV
Anal sex study reveals climate of 'coercion'
The science of saturated fat: A big fat surprise about nutrition?
Rotherham child sex abuse scandal: Labour Home Office to be probed over what Tony Blair's government knew - and when
What do immigrants really think of Britain? Polish immigrant's Reddit post goes viral
Ashya King: Parents of five-year-old boy refused permission to visit him in hospital and denied bail at Spanish court
With Douglas Carswell joining Ukip, my party has taken another giant step forward
When elitism grips the top of British society to this extent, there is only one answer: abolish private schools
Ukip Douglas Carswell defection: Tory MP jumps ship to join Nigel Farage
- 1 Half of young women unable to ‘locate vagina’ and 65% find it difficult to say the word
- 2 Perez Hilton apologises for Jennifer Lawrence naked photo leak
- 3 A teacher speaks out: 'I'm effectively being forced out of a career that I wanted to love'
- 4 Mexican woman becomes world’s 'oldest person' at 127
- 5 Jennifer Lawrence 'naked sex video' will be leaked threatens 4Chan celebrity photo hacker
£40000 - £50000 per annum + benefits+bonus+package: Harrington Starr: SQL Impl...
£45000 - £55000 per annum + Benefits + Bonus: Harrington Starr: SQL Technical ...
£85000 per annum: Harrington Starr: Head of IT (Windows, Server, VMware, SAN, ...
£55000 - £60000 per annum + Benefits + Bonus: Harrington Starr: Lead C# Develo...