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Thanksgiving: A guide to getting through the awkward family dinner

You need to start with the common ground and build slowly from there

Alexander Petri
Thursday 26 November 2015 15:24 GMT
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The first Thanksgiving depicted by an unknown artist
The first Thanksgiving depicted by an unknown artist

Conventional wisdom states that there are only two ways to get through Thanksgiving: with your politeness intact, or with your integrity intact. (The third way is not to go to your family Thanksgiving at all.)

But there’s another way.

I have found one foolproof strategy that will get you through Thanksgiving, Christmas, and beyond. (PLUG: I discuss this in my book, which you can buy right here if you are strapped for holiday gifts!) It is simple: any time you are faced with a conversation-dominating person whose political opinions you do not share, you find the one thing you agree with in what the person has just said to you, and you keep repeating it until the interaction is over.

Let me illustrate. Let us say that you have a Loud Uncle Dave. Dave has quietly enjoyed an entire bottle of red wine before coming to the dinner table, and now he is wearing his MAKE AMERICA GREAT AGAIN hat rakishly tilted over one eye. You only see Dave at holidays, where he starts every sentence with, “You know what Rush [Limbaugh, but they are on a first-name basis somehow] says about this?”

Uncle Dave: "I like that Trump. He’s not fake, like those other politicians. He’s honest. He’ll say what people are really thinking. He says things that those other candidates are too afraid to say! Trump’ll say it. I like that."

You: "Trump really does say things that other candidates would be terrified to say. Or that many people would be terrified to say!"

Another technique is to use the same tone they were using but say something totally different and hope that they do not notice the substitution. This works better with Cousin Sue, who spends her vacation time tending to sheep on a commune.

Cousin Sue: "I think we should socialize America!"

You: "I love to socialize!"

Increasingly on Facebook, that haven for People Who Agree With You, I have seen friends suggesting that this is the year to really let Uncle Dave have it. You have sat there biting your lip over the mashed potatoes long enough. You thought Uncle Dave realized that you were just letting this slide because you loved him and your mouth was full of turkey. But if he actually believes what he is saying, you need to stop him before he goes out into the world.

But the Thanksgiving battle is difficult to wage. So many arguments that could be won on principle are lost on tone. Uncle Dave may not remember that you pointed out that all his statistics came from white supremacist MySpace pages. He will just remember that you gestured so wildly that you knocked a candle over and set the tablecloth on fire.

That’s why you need to start with the common ground and build slowly from there.

Uncle Dave: "See where they’re trying to ban guns? What’s next, cars?"

You: "At a minimum they should have some kind of test that everyone takes and they should make you carry around a card proving you’re fit to drive."

A last technique that used to be a favorite of mine was to just agree with the person so much that you force them to talk you back down, but that is much harder to do this primary season and I no longer advise it. All the ideas you thought were so far beyond the pale as to be obviously absurd (“let’s waterboard, just for the fun of it!”) are now Trump talking points.

Just remember: keep your cool. Being the Only Person At Thanksgiving Who Actually Is Right is the oldest Thanksgiving tradition there is. Pace yourself. It’s a long way to dessert.

Washington Post

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