Morning, ma'am Bollinger Champagne 1990, pounds 41; scrambled eggs (six free range, Barradale Farm, Kent), 90p; 100g smoked salmon (George Campbell, Edinburgh), pounds 2.50; HP Sauce (255g bottle), 65p; copy of Country Life (Jones, Yarrell newsagents, London), pounds 2.60 plus pounds 11.95 fixed monthly delivery charge.
Those irksome chores Feed the dog (Cesar rabbit and heart), 59p; have piano tuned (J Broadwood, London), pounds 35.25; order bagpipes (No 7 silver-trimmed, RG Hardie, Glasgow), pounds 2,700.
King of the road Car hire (Rolls-Royce Silver Spirit with chauffeur for eight hours from Europcar, London), pounds 592.20; pick up handmade 12-bore shotgun (Gallyon gunsmiths, Norfolk), pounds 21,150; meet grandmama for tea at Fortnum & Mason, pounds 33; get tired of the Rolls and buy a lorry (45-Series 7.5-tonne 130bhp Leyland truck), pounds 21,000.
Dinner is served Martinis: Tanqueray gin, pounds 17.50, and Martini Vermouth, pounds 4.69; Fortnum & Mason olives (180g jar), pounds 4.95. Four-course meal for 10 with waiters (Town and Country Catering, Middlesex), pounds 1,200. Wines from Justerini & Brooks: 10 bottles of Chateau Petrus 1928, pounds 20,000, 10 bottles of Le Montrachet Grand Cru 1993, pounds 1,250, two bottles of Hennessy cognac 1964, pounds 150. Fortnum's Brazillian ground coffee, pounds 6.20, Bendicks Mint Collection (400g), pounds 5.95.
The princess and the pea Sleepeezee Queen-size double bed, pounds 3,000.
Total pounds 71,209.93Reuse content