The return of the undead

Fame is a fickle friend. One day you are a household name, the next you have been put out with the household rubbish. One day you are recognised everywhere, the next you are so forgotten that even Quote Unquote would hesitate to ask you on as a guest. One day you are Rory Bremner, the next you are Mike Yarwood. One day ... but you probably get the idea.

So today we once again ask the bitter-sweet question:

Where Are They Now?

Iain Duncan-Smith.

IDS was the only British politician of modern times to become known entirely by his initials. Unfortunately, IDS also stood for many other things such as Intrusion Detection Systems, Internet Database System, Internal Digestive System, Irritable Dental Syndrome, etc, etc. He has now decided that with a better set of initials he could still climb back to the top of the greasy Tory pole and is currently changing his name to give himself better initials.

Germaine Greer

After her recent unfortunate appearance on Celebrity Big Brother, Germaine Greer has decided that she is far too prone to say yes to offers and has decided to cut herself off from humanity altogether to avoid the risk of saying yes to something else. She now roams the woods of one of the Home Counties (which would prefer to remain anonymous), communing with nature and shunning human contact. If you go near her, she will cry out ferociously:

"O come not near

To wild Germaine

That once was mad

But now is sane!

If it's about

A TV show

Go to my agent!

She will say no!"

Michael Barrymore

Michael Barrymore has changed his name to Barry Michaelmore and is launching another comeback.

David Blunkett

The ex-Home Secretary is acting as consultant to a law firm which advises burglars on how much force and violence they can use in the course of going about their business.

Paul Mackenna

Having recently gone into the diet business, the famous hypnotist is now writing a book called: "I can make you buy this book. Just stare at my picture. Keep staring. Now go to the cash desk and say, `I want to buy this book'. Go on, do it!" by Paul Mackenna.

Janet Street-Porter

She is busy writing and rehearsing another show for presenting at the Edinburgh Fringe this year called I'm a Celebrity - Buy A Ticket And Get In Here!

Ted Heath

Sir Edward Heath is running a tough boot camp in the Hampshire countryside where people who have run the Tory party in the past, or nearly run it, can be trained to have another crack at the title when Michael Howard steps down. YDS (Yann Duncan-Smith) is said to be training there under his new initials. Michael Portillo is said to be training in secret. William Hague is said to be training openly. John Redwood is said to be thinking about training. Ann Widdecombe don't say nothing, she just keeps rolling along.

Saddam Hussein

Since being captured by the coalition forces, Saddam Hussein has not been seen or heard of. The Americans claim that he is safely hidden away, but until evidence is found of this, it is becoming very hard to believe that he actually exists. "We went to war in Iraq on the assumption that they had Saddam Hussein concealed somewhere out there," says John Kerry. "This now looks increasingly unlikely."

The Millennium Bug

After his abject failure to make any headway in 2000, the Millennium Bug had a nervous breakdown and retired for a while, but has now undergone retraining and has taken on small roles as various minor computer blips and glitches. He says he has been offered the part of a major virus in a forthcoming Hollywood film.

house + home
Arts and Entertainment
tvGame of Thrones season 5 ep 4, review - WARNING: contains major spoiliers!
Life and Style
Bats detect and react to wind speed and direction through sensors on their wings
Arts and Entertainment
The Ridiculous Six has been produced by Adam Sandler, who also stars in it
filmNew controversy after nine Native American actors walked off set
Have you tried new the Independent Digital Edition apps?
Life and Style
ebookNow available in paperback
ebookPart of The Independent’s new eBook series The Great Composers
Danny Jones was in the Wales squad for the 2013 World Cup
rugby leagueKeighley Cougars half-back was taken off after just four minutes
Life and Style
The original ZX Spectrum was simple to plug into your TV and get playing on
techThirty years on, the ZX Spectrum is back, after a fashion
Tiger Woods and Lindsey Vonn are breaking up after nearly three years together
peopleFormer couple announce separation in posts on their websites
Life and Style
Google celebrates Bartolomeo Cristofori's 360th birthday
techGoogle Doodle to the rescue
Arts and Entertainment
Haunted looks: Matthew Macfadyen and Timothy Spall star in ‘The Enfield Haunting’
tvThe Enfield Haunting, TV review
  • Get to the point
Latest stories from i100
Have you tried new the Independent Digital Edition apps?
Independent Dating

By clicking 'Search' you
are agreeing to our
Terms of Use.

ES Rentals

    iJobs Job Widget
    iJobs General

    Recruitment Genius: Senior Digital Marketing Consultant

    £28000 - £45000 per annum: Recruitment Genius: A Senior Digital Marketing Cons...

    Recruitment Genius: Assistant Stores Keeper

    £16640 - £18500 per annum: Recruitment Genius: An Assistant Stores Keeper is r...

    Recruitment Genius: Claims Administrator

    £16000 - £18500 per annum: Recruitment Genius: This is an excellent opportunit...

    Recruitment Genius: Software Developer - C# / ASP.NET / SQL

    £17000 - £30000 per annum: Recruitment Genius: Developer required to join a bu...

    Day In a Page

    Fishing for votes with Nigel Farage: The Ukip leader shows how he can work an audience as he casts his line to the disaffected of Grimsby

    Fishing is on Nigel Farage's mind

    Ukip leader casts a line to the disaffected
    Who is bombing whom in the Middle East? It's amazing they don't all hit each other

    Who is bombing whom in the Middle East?

    Robert Fisk untangles the countries and factions
    China's influence on fashion: At the top of the game both creatively and commercially

    China's influence on fashion

    At the top of the game both creatively and commercially
    Lord O’Donnell: Former cabinet secretary on the election and life away from the levers of power

    The man known as GOD has a reputation for getting the job done

    Lord O'Donnell's three principles of rule
    Rainbow shades: It's all bright on the night

    Rainbow shades

    It's all bright on the night
    'It was first time I had ever tasted chocolate. I kept a piece, and when Amsterdam was liberated, I gave it to the first Allied soldier I saw'

    Bread from heaven

    Dutch survivors thank RAF for World War II drop that saved millions
    Britain will be 'run for the wealthy and powerful' if Tories retain power - Labour

    How 'the Axe' helped Labour

    UK will be 'run for the wealthy and powerful' if Tories retain power
    Rare and exclusive video shows the horrific price paid by activists for challenging the rule of jihadist extremists in Syria

    The price to be paid for challenging the rule of extremists

    A revolution now 'consuming its own children'
    Welcome to the world of Megagames

    Welcome to the world of Megagames

    300 players take part in Watch the Skies! board game in London
    'Nymphomaniac' actress reveals what it was really like to star in one of the most explicit films ever

    Charlotte Gainsbourg on 'Nymphomaniac'

    Starring in one of the most explicit films ever
    Robert Fisk in Abu Dhabi: The Emirates' out-of-sight migrant workers helping to build the dream projects of its rulers

    Robert Fisk in Abu Dhabi

    The Emirates' out-of-sight migrant workers helping to build the dream projects of its rulers
    Vince Cable interview: Charging fees for employment tribunals was 'a very bad move'

    Vince Cable exclusive interview

    Charging fees for employment tribunals was 'a very bad move'
    Iwan Rheon interview: Game of Thrones star returns to his Welsh roots to record debut album

    Iwan Rheon is returning to his Welsh roots

    Rheon is best known for his role as the Bastard of Bolton. It's gruelling playing a sadistic torturer, he tells Craig McLean, but it hasn't stopped him recording an album of Welsh psychedelia
    Russell Brand's interview with Ed Miliband has got everyone talking about The Trews

    Everyone is talking about The Trews

    Russell Brand's 'true news' videos attract millions of viewers. But today's 'Milibrand' interview introduced his resolutely amateurish style to a whole new crowd
    Morne Hardenberg interview: Cameraman for BBC's upcoming show Shark on filming the ocean's most dangerous predator

    It's time for my close-up

    Meet the man who films great whites for a living