virgin on the net

As she undressed, she kept asking, 'Now Digby, does this titillate you?'

Tuesday 21 May 1996


Dear Rudy. Where was I? Oh yes. Being dragged off by a surprisingly strong Hera towards her room in the Computer Staff's Union country residence somewhere in East Anglia. What was going through my mind? That the last thing I had expected when agreeing to join her on a Pornography Awareness Weekend was a close encounter of the fourth kind.

The surprises did not end there. As she undressed slowly in front of me Hera kept asking, "Now Digby, does this titillate you? And what about this?" If I had to guess which of us had been most behaviourally affected by the creaking blue movies we had just seen, then my vote would go to Hera.

I won't go into detail. At first I was a bit shy, never having slept with a leading feminist before. I kept on worrying that she might subject my technique to criticism. "How typical of a man to put his finger there", "Don't you know that cunnilingus is the only thing a real woman responds to?", or "Where exactly do you think you are going with that?" I had also been told that radfems had little respect for a man's sensibilities and tended to wrench his bits about with the delicacy of stock-car driver.

But it wasn't really like that. True, she was a bit bossy. "I think that's enough foreplay for now," she declared at one point, "time for penetration!" That was at nine o'clock. And at half-past ten. And again at two in the morning. And (I think) at dawn. The last time, just as she was reaching what the textbooks always call her "climax", I thought she muttered "Oh, Dildo!" instead of "Oh Digby". Which was a bit offputting. I suppose that if I had been a woman I would probably have resisted her advances, in the way that women do. I quite fancied her, when I thought about it, but didn't think it'd work. But somehow when a woman over 16 and under 60 drops her fingers on to my lap, all my misgivings disappear.

Oh - and yesterday, following a gas-leak alarm at her commune in Shepherd's Bush, Hera arrived outside the flat in a taxi, carrying an unnecessarily large suitcase. "You don't mind if I stay a while, do you, lover?" she asked in tones that were part affectionate and part commanding. So here she is - it's all a bit like having an affair with your own great-aunt. I'll keep you posted.

Sig exhausted (but happy) Dig

Wednesday 22 May 1996


Posted in alt.newsgroups.civildefence

In light of the current crisis in relations between Britain and Europe, and the escalating deterioration, could anyone out there give me straightforward advice on defending houses and flats against conventionally armed Cruise missiles or ordinary bombs? (It is very unlikely - but not totally impossible - that France might use her nuclear weapons against us.)

Sig Digby and Hera.

Wednesday 22 May 1996


Posted in alt.newsgroups.civildefence

In response to the clever flames from some of my complacent fellow-countrymen, let me ask these questions: did not an entire World War grow out of a chapter of accidents on the European continent? Have not almost all of our highest circulation newspapers described this as a "declaration of war"? Have not men throughout history sought recourse to arms in an attempt to prop up their own section of the patriarchy? You may sneer now, but tomorrow you may be weeping!

Sig Hera and Dig

Thursday 23 May 1996


Mountain-man. Very clever. How to hunt the ice-zebra nearly had me fooled, but "on the trail of the man-eating snow-slug" gave you away. I take it that all your stuff on how to kill a grizzly was bollocks, too, and that you have successfully wasted a great deal of my time.

Thanks. I hope one day that someone does the same to you.

Digby Ponder

Sunday 26 May 1996


Dear Rudy. Sorry I couldn't get back to you, but for the past couple of days I haven't been able to get near the screen. Hera has decided to launch a one-woman campaign against porn on the Net, which she is prosecuting with great determination. It consists of her reading all the entries in the various sex newsgroups and then writing messages to the authors analysing their varying sicknesses and perversions: e-mails asking chaps questions like "and just why do you think any woman would want to do that with you?", and "do you speak like that to your parents?"

I'm only able to mail you now, because - after seven hours' solid messaging - she fell asleep in the middle of telling some teenager from Iowa that she was going to write to his mother if he described once more how he gives himself the best handjobs in the world.

Tant pis, as our enemies across the Channel have it.


Susan Sarandon described David Bowie as
peopleSusan Sarandon reveals more on her David Bowie romance
Arsenal supporters gather for a recent ‘fan party’ in New Jersey
sportDidier Drogba returns to Chelsea on one-year deal
Arts and Entertainment
The Secret Cinema performance of Back to the Future has been cancelled again
Have you tried new the Independent Digital Edition apps?
Life and Style
ebookA wonderful selection of salads, starters and mains featuring venison, grouse and other game
Life and Style
Balmain's autumn/winter 2014 campaign, shot by Mario Sorrenti and featuring Binx Walton, Cara Delevingne, Jourdan Dunn, Ysaunny Brito, Issa Lish and Kayla Scott
fashionHow Olivier Rousteing is revitalising the house of Balmain
Arts and Entertainment
Christian Grey cradles Ana in the Fifty Shades of Grey film
filmFifty Shades of Grey trailer provokes moral outrage in US
BBC broadcaster and presenter Evan Davis, who will be taking over from Jeremy Paxman on Newsnight
peopleForget Paxman - what will Evan Davis be like on Newsnight?
Life and Style
fashionCustomer complained about the visibly protruding ribs
The new dawn heralded by George Osborne has yet to rise
voicesJames Moore: As the Tories rub their hands together, the average voter will be asking why they're not getting a piece of the action
Dejan Lovren celebrates scoring for Southampton although the goal was later credited to Adam Lallana
newsComedy club forced to apologise as maggots eating a dead pigeon fall out of air-conditioning
Arts and Entertainment
Jo Brand says she's mellowed a lot
tvJo Brand says shows encourage people to laugh at the vulnerable
Life and Style
People may feel that they're procrastinating by watching TV in the evening
Travel Shop
the manor
Up to 70% off luxury travel
on city breaks Find out more
Up to 70% off luxury travel
on chic beach resorts Find out more
sardina foodie
Up to 70% off luxury travel
on country retreats Find out more
Latest stories from i100
Have you tried new the Independent Digital Edition apps?
Independent Dating

By clicking 'Search' you
are agreeing to our
Terms of Use.

ES Rentals

    iJobs Job Widget
    iJobs General

    Senior Risk Manager - Banking - London - £650

    £600 - £650 per day: Orgtel: Conduct Risk Liaison Manager - Banking - London -...

    Commercial Litigation Associate

    Highly Attractive Package: Austen Lloyd: CITY - COMMERCIAL LITIGATION - GLOBAL...

    Systems Manager - Dynamics AX

    £65000 - £75000 per annum + Benefits: Progressive Recruitment: The client is a...

    Service Delivery Manager (Software Development, Testing)

    £40000 - £45000 per annum: Ashdown Group: A well-established software house ba...

    Day In a Page

    Evan Davis: The BBC’s wolf in sheep’s clothing to take over at Newsnight

    The BBC’s wolf in sheep’s clothing

    What will Evan Davis be like on Newsnight?
    Finding the names for America’s shame: What happens to the immigrants crossing the US-Mexico border without documents who never make it past the Arizona desert?

    Finding the names for America’s shame

    The immigrants crossing the US-Mexico border without documents who never make it past the Arizona desert
    Inside a church for Born Again Christians: Speaking to God in a Manchester multiplex

    Inside a church for Born Again Christians

    As Britain's Anglican church struggles to establish its modern identity, one branch of Christianity is booming
    Rihanna, Kim Kardashian and me: How Olivier Rousteing is revitalising the house of Balmain

    Olivier Rousteing is revitalising the house of Balmain

    Parisian couturier Pierre Balmain made his name dressing the mid-century jet set. Today, Olivier Rousteing – heir to the house Pierre built – is celebrating their 21st-century equivalents. The result? Nothing short of Balmania
    Cancer, cardiac arrest, HIV and homelessness - and he's only 39

    Incredible survival story of David Tovey

    Tovey went from cooking for the Queen to rifling through bins for his supper. His is a startling story of endurance against the odds – and of a social safety net failing at every turn
    Backhanders, bribery and abuses of power have soared in China as economy surges

    Bribery and abuses of power soar in China

    The bribery is fuelled by the surge in China's economy but the rules of corruption are subtle and unspoken, finds Evan Osnos, as he learns the dark arts from a master
    Commonwealth Games 2014: Highland terriers stole the show at the opening ceremony

    Highland terriers steal the show at opening ceremony

    Gillian Orr explores why a dog loved by film stars and presidents is finally having its day
    German art world rocked as artists use renowned fat sculpture to distil schnapps

    Brewing the fat from artwork angers widow of sculptor

    Part of Joseph Beuys' 1982 sculpture 'Fettecke' used to distil schnapps
    BBC's The Secret History of Our Streets reveals a fascinating window into Britain's past

    BBC takes viewers back down memory lane

    The Secret History of Our Streets, which returns with three films looking at Scottish streets, is the inverse of Benefits Street - delivering warmth instead of cynicism
    Joe, film review: Nicolas Cage delivers an astonishing performance in low budget drama

    Nicolas Cage shines in low-budget drama Joe

    Cage plays an ex-con in David Gordon Green's independent drama, which has been adapted from a novel by Larry Brown
    How to make your own gourmet ice lollies, granitas, slushy cocktails and frozen yoghurt

    Make your own ice lollies and frozen yoghurt

    Think outside the cool box for this summer's tempting frozen treats
    Ford Fiesta is UK's most popular car of all-time, with sales topping 4.1 million since 1976

    Fiesta is UK's most popular car of all-time

    Sales have topped 4.1 million since 1976. To celebrate this milestone, four Independent writers recall their Fiestas with pride
    10 best reed diffusers

    Heaven scent: 10 best reed diffusers

    Keep your rooms smelling summery and fresh with one of these subtle but distinctive home fragrances that’ll last you months
    Commonwealth Games 2014: Female boxers set to compete for first time

    Female boxers set to compete at Commonwealth Games for first time

    There’s no favourites and with no headguards anything could happen
    Five things we’ve learned so far about Manchester United under Louis van Gaal

    Five things we’ve learned so far about United under Van Gaal

    It’s impossible to avoid the impression that the Dutch manager is playing to the gallery a little