What's the worst meal you've had?

OPINIONS

JOAN WYNDHAM, writer: Last week, at a French restaurant. My starter was described as "Mille-feuille of snails laid lovingly on a walnut and sultana confiture". It was three little black bogeys on a little piece of pastry and there was no confiture, laid lovingly or otherwise. Then I had "Duck married to a whiting (but with no kids), honeymooning on a sea of watermelon". It was the most disgusting combination I have ever tasted.

BARRY NORMAN, film critic: The one that lingers in my mind was in somebody's private home in Cambridgeshire. It was a kind of beef stew which was grossly over-salted. Every time I think of it I get this thick salty taste in my mouth. Because we didn't know the people very well, we simply had to carry on eating it. We were offered seconds, which we managed to avoid, but it was just horrendous. We were knocking back wine and water like mad and complimenting our hostess on this magnificent meal - what else could you do?

KATIE PUCKRIK, presenter, the Sunday Show: On a flight to Morocco - the meal consisted of congealed brown stuff, which looked like dog food, presented in different shapes. It was inedible. In fact I would guess the plastic wrapping had more flavour.

SHELLEY von STRUNCKEL, astrologer: On the Eurostar. The plates were picnic-quality plastic, and the food - even on the first-class run from Paris - was dire. The excitement of my first under-the-Channel trip was dulled by the disappointment of the dining.

JOHN GREEN, pensioner: One day at school in war-time we were told that there was nothing for lunch. We had to go out to pick nettles to make into soup - it was foul, like congealed seaweed. We mopped it up with bread speckled with small dark things: the cook said they were ants' eggs, but we knew they were mouse droppings.

TOM SMITH, marketing executive: I visited a friend for lunch. I was tucking into my quiche and salad when I noticed a dead cockroach under a piece of lettuce. I couldn't bring myself to say a word and had to eat round it.

SOPHIE JONES, Cordon Bleu cook: A Japanese visitor made us a Japanese meal - things like cuttle fish intestines in soya sauce, which looked like big dead worms in blood, sea urchin egg paste and lumps of tuna which looked like diced raw pork.

DAVID MORE, surveyor: Last year I ordered a rare steak at a pub in Bedfordshire. It arrived well done so I sent it back. They did me another steak, cooked correctly. But I noticed a fat yellow caterpillar on the salad. It wasn't just sitting there, it was wiggling about, almost waving at me, but I was so hungry I picked it out and carried on eating. It was only as I finished my steak that I saw the single pubic hair nestling underneath.

MARY-ANNE O'REILLY, accountant: Barbecued guinea pig in Ecuador - not enough meat and too many bones.

Suggested Topics
PROMOTED VIDEO
Have you tried new the Independent Digital Edition apps?
Life and Style
ebookNow available in paperback
ebooks
ebookPart of The Independent’s new eBook series The Great Composers
Life and Style
life
News
news

The party's potential nominations read like a high school race for student body president

Voices
A mother and her child
voices
Voices
The veterans Mark Hayward, Hugh Thompson and Sean Staines (back) with Grayson Perry (front left) and Evgeny Lebedev
charity appealMaverick artist Grayson Perry backs our campaign
Arts and Entertainment
Cold case: Aaron McCusker and Christopher Eccleston in ‘Fortitude’
tvReview: Sky Atlantic's ambitious new series Fortitude has begun with a feature-length special
Voices
Three people wearing masks depicting Ed Miliband, David Cameron and Nick Clegg
voicesPolitics is in the gutter – but there is an alternative, says Nigel Farage
News
i100
News
people
Sport
Chelsea manager Jose Mourinho
footballI have never seen the point of lambasting the fourth official, writes Paul Scholes
Life and Style
Vote green: Benoit Berenger at The Duke of Cambridge in London's Islington
food + drinkBanishes thoughts of soggy school dinners and turn over a new leaf
News
Joel Grey (left) poses next to a poster featuring his character in the film
peopleActor Joel Grey comes out at 82
Latest stories from i100
Have you tried new the Independent Digital Edition apps?
Independent Dating
and  

By clicking 'Search' you
are agreeing to our
Terms of Use.

ES Rentals

    iJobs Job Widget
    iJobs General

    Ashdown Group: Product Manager - (Product Marketing, Financial Services)

    £30000 - £35000 per annum + Benefits: Ashdown Group: Marketing Manager - Marke...

    Recruitment Genius: External Relations Executive

    £33000 per annum: Recruitment Genius: An External Relations Executive is requi...

    Ashdown Group: Web Developer (PHP & Wordpress) - Central London

    £25000 - £28000 per annum + 25 days holidays & pension: Ashdown Group: Web Dev...

    Recruitment Genius: Production Operative - Unskilled & Skilled

    £7 - £9 per hour: Recruitment Genius: An exciting opportunity has arisen to jo...

    Day In a Page

    Isis hostage crisis: The prisoner swap has only one purpose for the militants - recognition its Islamic State exists and that foreign nations acknowledge its power

    Isis hostage crisis

    The prisoner swap has only one purpose for the militants - recognition its Islamic State exists and that foreign nations acknowledge its power, says Robert Fisk
    Missing salvage expert who found $50m of sunken treasure before disappearing, tracked down at last

    The runaway buccaneers and the ship full of gold

    Salvage expert Tommy Thompson found sunken treasure worth millions. Then he vanished... until now
    Homeless Veterans appeal: ‘If you’re hard on the world you are hard on yourself’

    Homeless Veterans appeal: ‘If you’re hard on the world you are hard on yourself’

    Maverick artist Grayson Perry backs our campaign
    Assisted Dying Bill: I want to be able to decide about my own death - I want to have control of my life

    Assisted Dying Bill: 'I want control of my life'

    This week the Assisted Dying Bill is debated in the Lords. Virginia Ironside, who has already made plans for her own self-deliverance, argues that it's time we allowed people a humane, compassionate death
    Move over, kale - cabbage is the new rising star

    Cabbage is king again

    Sophie Morris banishes thoughts of soggy school dinners and turns over a new leaf
    11 best winter skin treats

    Give your moisturiser a helping hand: 11 best winter skin treats

    Get an extra boost of nourishment from one of these hard-working products
    Paul Scholes column: The more Jose Mourinho attempts to influence match officials, the more they are likely to ignore him

    Paul Scholes column

    The more Jose Mourinho attempts to influence match officials, the more they are likely to ignore him
    Frank Warren column: No cigar, but pots of money: here come the Cubans

    Frank Warren's Ringside

    No cigar, but pots of money: here come the Cubans
    Isis hostage crisis: Militant group stands strong as its numerous enemies fail to find a common plan to defeat it

    Isis stands strong as its numerous enemies fail to find a common plan to defeat it

    The jihadis are being squeezed militarily and economically, but there is no sign of an implosion, says Patrick Cockburn
    Virtual reality thrusts viewers into the frontline of global events - and puts film-goers at the heart of the action

    Virtual reality: Seeing is believing

    Virtual reality thrusts viewers into the frontline of global events - and puts film-goers at the heart of the action
    Homeless Veterans appeal: MP says Coalition ‘not doing enough’

    Homeless Veterans appeal

    MP says Coalition ‘not doing enough’ to help
    Larry David, Steve Coogan and other comedians share stories of depression in new documentary

    Comedians share stories of depression

    The director of the new documentary, Kevin Pollak, tells Jessica Barrett how he got them to talk
    Has The Archers lost the plot with it's spicy storylines?

    Has The Archers lost the plot?

    A growing number of listeners are voicing their discontent over the rural soap's spicy storylines; so loudly that even the BBC's director-general seems worried, says Simon Kelner
    English Heritage adds 14 post-war office buildings to its protected lists

    14 office buildings added to protected lists

    Christopher Beanland explores the underrated appeal of these palaces of pen-pushing
    Human skull discovery in Israel proves humans lived side-by-side with Neanderthals

    Human skull discovery in Israel proves humans lived side-by-side with Neanderthals

    Scientists unearthed the cranial fragments from Manot Cave in West Galilee