Main Claim: Jailbird's moll. Married an exciting thief with top notch pals. Our Pat, a working- class factory lass, made the tabloids with her totally unexpected marriage to Darius Guppy, old Etonian poet, Adonis and best mate of Princess Di's chubby kid brother, Earl Spencer. Hubby is now back home after serving three years in jail for a rather unwise pounds 1.8m insurance fraud. His book-of-the-crime, Roll the Dice, is currently being serialised for large sums. Crime pays, then pays again. Patricia, 30, somewhat inappropriately claims, "I love peace and order in my life." With her wide gaze, soft Sunderland vowels and unquestioning adoration, Mrs. Guppy can be a little soppy. "I wasn't interested in knowing," she says of her husband's dubious business sense.

Love Story: The Pat'n'Darius thang has always appeared movingly authentic, a big-time love that crashed class barriers and jail sentences. The couple met at the chattering classes' favourite hang out, London's Groucho Club, in 1989. The half-Persian heartbreaker claims it was love at first sight when he spotted Patricia with a gang of friends. He pursued her and married her in 1991. The world had expected a braying beauty of a Sloane. The loving couple wrote to each other each and every day while Darius was so cruelly imprisoned.

Appearance: Disney beaver with a bob. Princess in a supermarket kiddies' book. A low-fat, low fibre Jane Horrocks.

Family Values: Patricia demonstrated sweet patience while she stood by her man. "I am single hearted," she told Hello!, and visited her husband in 10 different prisons. By the time Darius' trial ended, Patricia had miscarried one of their twins and was seven months pregnant with the surviving Isabella.

Fame Prospects: The Guppys may well stay happily married forever more. To ensure future fame an indiscreet Royal affair, a diamond heist or a spot of tasteless modelling is required. However, Patricia will probably be happy, faithful, and thus increasingly obscure. Good for you, Mrs. Guppy.