Brand new teletotty. In an overcrowded firmament of ladettes, ironic- status bimbettes and peroxide talking heads, Gail Porter is indubitably babe of the moment. And in a bid for fame, our heroine has taken her kit off. A most unusual method, Miss Porter. Not only is she stark naked on the cover of this month's FHM, but 100ft of unclothed Gail Porter was recently beamed on to the House of Commons at night. To add to her triumphs, the naturist in question is rumoured to be taking over from Kelly Brook on The Big Breakfast.
Schoolgirl. Nude. Geri Halliwell meets Mandy Smith meets Sarah Cracknell's younger sister. Elfin teenage hairdresser with badger-bleached coiffure after model-for-a-day makeover. Footballer's wife meets footballer's wayward daughter.
In the flesh
Gail sports a nipple ring. Gail has also entered the national consciousness after languishing in the hinterland of kiddie TV. See Jamie Theakston and Zoe Ball. Just after Richard Bacon was expelled from Blue Peter, Gail, host of children's show Fully Booked, posed in the buff. Why, one asks oneself, did Valerie Singleton and Simon Groom miss their chance?
Gail, 28, was born in Edinburgh, was nicknamed Snobby, and attended film school. She has no boyfriend: "I just don't think men fancy me." She will soon star in a new VH1 show, Gail's Big Nineties. Oh, and she doesn't mind taking her clothes off.
She missed The Big Breakfast job for unknown Kelly Brook, who laughs at Johnny's jokes, grins a lot, looks pretty and stumbles over her monosyllables. But strong rumours abound that the chatty, cheeky, reasonably witty and emphatically confident Miss Porter is tipped to take over as Johnny Vaughan's ego masseuse.
The short but sweet season of teletotties may be La Porter's fate. However, after a series of mistakes, The Big Breakfast might just have found their next Denise. In the meantime, she could always pose naked with a python or check into The Priory. A micro-celeb is hatched.