Why Are They Famous: Jackie Stallone

Main Claim

Mother of Sylvester. The womb from which sprang the muscle-bound hunk of the drooping lip and grunting way with a monosyllable. Jackie's main claim to fame is that big baby boy of hers, ol' Rocky McRambo, the ageing Hollywood hunk. And Jackie milks that claim so skilfully and persistently, she is something of a glittering diva of the C-list herself. An astrologer, she is not averse to doing the odd trapeze act, appearing on television talking about her wonderful son and explaining herself to celebrity magazines. Now Jackie has married for the fourth time. The lucky man is a doctor thought to be 20 years her junior. "It was a wonderful wedding, a fairy tale," explained Jackie.

Appearance

Sylvester Stallone in drag. Sylvester Stallone as wax museum exhibit. Sylvester Stallone meets Joan Collins in a haystack. Sylvester Stallone as Punch. Sylvester Stallone as Judy in a Michael Jackson wig.

Mama mia

Jackie Stallone, astrologer, is given to combining stretch-panted leisure wear best suited to the gym or boxing ring with a range of glittering brow bands and other generally spangled sartorial gewgaws. With her severely surprised eyebrows and the ventriloquist's dummy open-and-shut mouth with lolling lower lip so characteristic of the Stallones, Jackie is instantly, spookily recognisable, thus enhancing her strange brand of fame. Though the mother of an Echt superstar, Jackie has been wittering on for years about her other son, one Frank, whom she claims is a wonderfully talented boy, just like her Sylvester - he just hasn't had his big break. Shame. There is also a daughter, Toni.

Rocky patch

Jackie, daughter of a man named Labofish, brought up her kids in New York's tough Hell's Kitchen. Son Sylvester was a troubled lad with health problems, but he made good, that boy, and Jackie believed in the kid. Jackie developed various beauty products and processes, and worked those heavenly orbs. "She has more energy than anyone I've ever known," says Jackie's new husband, Dr Levine. Hello! helpfully pictured Jackie's latest wedding certificate, in which the bride's year of birth is omitted. Reports suggest our heroine is 65 or 74.

Fame prospects

Jackie proposed the theme song from Rocky for her march down the aisle. "Not for a wedding, mum," her celebrity offspring is reported to have advised. Long live Sylvester. Long live spangled brow wear. Long live the Jackie Stallone school of fame.