Why are they famous? Jane Seymour

Click to follow
Indy Lifestyle Online
Main Claim: Bum-length hair, silly pronouncements and a raft of husbands. Queen of a now-grown-up Famous for Being Famous generation that includes Fiona Fullerton, Sandra Dickinson and Lorraine Chase, Jane has spent much of her time rabbiting on about romance while pulling off three divorces. Latest news is that she has a touch of dengue fever and she and her hair are in a Puerto Rican hospital.

Appearance: Rapunzel's mother meets My Little Pony. Jerry Hall meets Stefanie Powers. Yowling feral cat dressed up as prize-winning Persian.

Sweet Nothings: Romantic Tosh was Jane's stock-in-trade - she doled out hackneyed tips for gullible lovers, wrote books and advertised perfume, until she became a supermother and bagged a halfway decent role (see below).

Supermum: Jane, 45, has got children coming out of her eyes. As she purrs in her irritating hair-dye ad, the trim materfamilias can boast six assorted offshoots. She spent some years showing off her step-daughter, Jennifer Flynn, while her own offspring, Katie and Sean, were infants. Katie is now showing signs of adolescent beauty, while model wannabe Jennifer seems to have faded. Jane now also has twin boys, born in November 1995, by James Keach, lesser known brother of actor Stacy. They are affectionately known, ahem, as "Peanut" and "Jellybean".

Career Highs: Jane's fluctuating mid-Atlantic inflections: crisp more- English-than-English clip morphed with Yankee affectation (see Amanda de Cadenet, the Collins sisters, Seventies DJs, Naomi Campbell), her nuclear- powered camera grin and her overgrown locks rather overshadow any acting roles she may have enjoyed in the mind of the public. But she finally secured a successful role seven years ago in the bizarrely named US TV series Dr Quinn, Medicine Woman, as the even more bizarrely named Dr Mike Quinn. Since Jane herself is really named Joyce Frankenberg, being called "Mike" must be a doddle.

Fame Prospects: An English actress can't get away with buttock-brushing tresses at the age of 65 unless she wants to look like Brigitte Bardot on a bad day in St Tropez. Jane must become the Stephanie Beacham of Melrose Place, steal Zsa Zsa Gabor's latest husband, or plait her hair for new show, Miss Heidi, Ecstasy Woman.