Appearance: Blow-up doll: the Celebrity Girlfriend, pounds 29.50. With her luminous blank gaze, open mouth, and surprised expression, La Flavin could model for the Chapman brothers, take a budget role rejected by Cindy Crawford, or pose beside Sylvester Stallone.
Wedding Belle: Valley girl Flavin met Stallone when she was 19. The desired event finally took place last week at Blighty's own Blenheim Palace, nearly a decade on. "I wanted to keep her a little anxious, just to keep her on her toes," explained the weathered Italian stallion, now 50. "I carried my wedding dress around for a month, with the shoes and the veil," said Jennifer, 28. "I don't think I could have lasted much longer - I was emotionally drained it was only when we got to London that he told me - the day before the wedding." Feminism is flourishing, then.
Mother Love: Jennifer has not only married her hero, she has also given birth to the only female Rambo in existence, a baby with a hole in its heart. Sophia Rose, eight months, is now well after a much covered operation (parental prayers and avowals of love faithfully recorded by the tabloids). Stallone also has two sons by his first wife. "It's better second time around," he claims.
Past Imperfect: The Flavin-Stallone romance has been of an on-off nature. Dating Jennifer after separating from his pneumatic giantess of a wife Brigitte Nielsen, Sly then decided to scarper and practise his naughty boy routine. He was suddenly engaged to flame-haired model Angie Everhart, current on-off wife of Ashley Hamilton (formerly married for two minutes to wild child Shannen Doherty). Stallone was suddenly disengaged. He was then supposed to have fathered an infant girl, Savannah, by model Janice Dickinson. He declared his fatherly love to the world. The baby turned out to be someone else's. Enter Jennifer.
Fame Prospects: Jennifer managed to be photographed on a surprisingly regular basis as a girlfriend and a spurned girlfriend without taking her top off or talking about the size of Stallone's willy. Now on honeymoon in Dublin, and reported to be two months pregnant, she's still being photographed. One in a long tradition of patient girlfriends led by Queen Marla Maples, her fame will probably last just as long as her marriage. Congratulations, Mrs Stallone.