The living tannoy. Jenny McCarthy is the peroxide-locked TV presenter whose yelling, growling, booming football-stadium-style of delivery is combined with bog standard sex-siren attributes. The result is a shrieking teletotty. Think Pammie on speed. Think Barbie with throat nodules. Boasting her own MTV slots, Singled Out and The Jenny McCarthy Show, our zany heroine also recently co-hosted Blighty's own The Big Breakfast where, with little change in tone, pitch or wattage, she did a fair imitation of a walking boom box, woofer and anything else you may care to add other than a mute button. Now the Yank version of Denise the Menace has suddenly announced her surprise engagement and chosen to share this, her happy, private moment with Hello! magazine.
Lumberjack Barbie. Fishnets Barbie. Talking Barbie with amplifier hidden in stomach. Sharon Stone meets Melanie Griffith after a makeover. Anna- Nicole Smith lookalike after a long spell at the Priory.
Sound and fury
When hosting awards ceremonies, the subtle and sensitive McCarthy sets up such a clamour, one is left longing for nothing but the throat pastille ads. Johnny Vaughan allegedly picked Kelly Brook as his Big Breakfast co-host above Jenny, who tended to drown even his wisecracks.
From rags to riches
Our heroine, allegedly 26, grew up "very poor" as part of a Catholic family of girls in Chicago. She posed for Playboy, causing her six priest uncles to pen "evil letters". She then became Playboy Playmate of the Year. However, the three nuns in her family, one of whom is now a Vegas gambler, accepted the stripping gig. Straight after ending a four-year relationship with a 50-year-old, Jenny is engaged to an actor-director she met a few weeks ago. "I never believed in love at first sight until that moment," she says. Between them, the couple have 500 relatives.
"I've got to go to the top," says McCarthy. "But until then I'm still enjoying making an ass out of myself!" Only a sudden brunette phase, a desire for tormented acting roles, unnecessary glasses or a conversation to the Tibetan faith will spoil it all. Here are your ear plugs.