MAIN CLAIM: Self-styled femme fatale from Spain with an extremely silly name. Following her 1994 kiss 'n' tell about her affair with Sir Peter Harding, married Chief of Defence Staff during the Gulf War, Ms Bienvenida Buck left her adopted London for Marbella, where she busied herself collecting stray dogs. However, the doughty glittering one is now back, resident in St John's Wood with yet another fiance. "I am marrying Eduardo [Jimeno - he's a Spanish businessman] on Monday," she has publicly purred. "It will be very intimate - we don't want a circus." Also claims to be writing a book to help women develop self-esteem, something she obviously has no problem with.

APPEARANCE: Air hostess in 1982 airline advertising poster. Comprehensive school drama teacher playing good-time girl/society miss/flapper in The Boyfriend, costumes provided by parents, lighting by the fifth form. Publican's wife with a taste for pink champagne.

CAFE CReME: Ms Buck is entirely, and extremely feebly, famous for being famous. Hiring Max Clifford, the patron saint of fame-hungry under-achievers, in 1994, she promptly sold the story of her seminal fling with Sir Peter Harding, wrecked his career, and treated a pretty much indifferent public to revelations of their bedtime Nato discussions in London hotels. Her enthusiastic dedication to matters in the public interest also ended her first marriage to Sir Anthony Buck, a Tory MP thirtysomething years her senior. Thus our adventuress became a bit player in that tiresome phenomenon, London cafe society. See also Lady Colin Campbell and Mona Bauwens for two other blondes who really shouldn't be.

BUCK THE TREND: "The only short cut to eventual financial reward that I could envisage was to become a woman for a man who had already made a fortune and to use that relationship as a basis for meeting other successful people," explains Bienvenida in her autobiography, Bienvenida: the Making of a Modern Mistress. "A smile is the most important thing to wear," she cautions. "I've always been able to detach the physical side from emotion." La Buck, 41 the day after Valentine's, next married a Ruskie, Count Nicholas Sokolow, separating shortly thereafter. Who knows how long Eduardo will last? Lock up your fathers, girls.

HOME FRONT: "I was never really wanted as a child," explains Bienvenida, who was raised by foster parents in Valencia. She moved to London at 16, took a degree at St Godric's College, that little-known institution, and set about seducing older men.

FAME PROSPECTS: Kiss-and-tellers do not, as a rule, flourish, Bienvenida. Just look at "actress" Antonia de Sancha. Best bet is a cable TV show, The Buck Stops Here, followed by a foil-wrapped novel stylee entitled Shopping and Bucking. Failing that, there's always an affair with Robin Cook.