Main Claim: Lady Tryon, affectionately and commercially known as "Kanga", is, or was, of course, Prince Charles' very close friend. This is her much trumped trump card - see also Miss Tara Palmer-Tomkinson. The wheelchair-confined socialite enjoyed the heady heights of mateyness with her Prince: godparenting, hospital vigils and nicknames, while boasting marriage to an authentic English Lord. But things have gone horribly wrong and Kanga, 49, has decided to renounce her title and gracefully disappear to the sticks, er Australia, for a while.

Appearance: Chirpy blonde chipmunk with spruce bouffant bob and perma- smile. Favours polka dots, canary yellows and bold crimsons, which makes her a photographer's favourite in society mags and tabloids alike.

Name Calling: "Kanga" hails from the Antipodes, you understand, so with his abbreviated reference to an indigenous mammal, Charles shows us that he can goon around with the best of them. Kanga named her high-society clothing line after HRH's pet moniker for her. Not many of us can boast the same.

Fame And Misfortune: The travails of Kanga take royal Schadenfreude to new heights. Though one may wish eternal obscurity and a council flat on Tara P-T, Kanga inspires awe and startled concern. Plunging from the toff-friendly rehab clinic window in a mystery accident, Kanga broke her spine. Lord Tryon, husband of 24 years, announced divorce and Kanga was banned from her manor house, arrested after a tussle with local police and detained under the Mental Health Act. She then rolled up at a polo match, waved at Prince Charles, was ignored, prevented from entering the VIP stand and barred from a private reception.

Fame And Misfortune II: Long-suffering Kanga was born with spina bifida, paralysed until the age of nine, has had her back re-built with bovine bones, suffered deep vein thrombosis and was diagnosed with uterine cancer. "From the beginning my attitude was, 'Oh blow, this is very annoying,'" she says doughtily.

Marital Blues: "My husband has never even bought me a pair of shoes," says Kanga. "We've had 20 years of difficulty with her," is her mother- in-law's riposte.

Fame Prospects: Given the longevity of Prince Charles' friendships (polo ponies, Camilla) and enmities (architects, Diana), whichever side of the polo fence she is on, we can look forward to more high-wattage smiling for the cameras. Go for it, our Kanga.