why are they famous? Lisa Marie Presley

MAIN CLAIM: Daddy dearest. Daughter of The King, little Lisa Marie is the only known bona fide product of the Presley loins. Thus for 30 years she has enjoyed the shady half-life that is the legacy of the celebrity offspring: body guards, an impossible legend, and a series of unwise personal choices (see Victoria Sellers, Stephanie of Monaco, Julian Lennon etc). Now the Princess, as we should rightly refer to the tender crooning one, has signed her debut recording contract, an achievement one would have imagined nepotism to have effected a good decade ago. Says Lisa Marie's producer: "There has been a genuine creative connection between us and it is clear to me that Lisa will make an artistic statement that is unique and compelling." What about her voice, then?

APPEARANCE: Former appearance: Junior Miss Elvis Presley. Current appearance: Michael Jackson meets Elvis Presley. Lisa Marie's once fatter-nosed, heavy- faced, brooding dark looks were deeply reminiscent of only one singing legend. Now the nose appears to have thinned, the features subtly altered, and Lisa Marie, she of the death mask make-up and strange ways, resembles at least two major recording artists.

LITTLE WOMAN: Lisa Marie was brought up by mother Priscilla (once a chubby- cheeked brunette, now a tight-skinned blonde, radical self-transformation being an old family custom) after the King died - or did he? An early devotee of the spooky rabbitings of the elegantly named L Ron Hubbard, she married fellow Scientologist Danny Keogh, with whom she had a daughter and son. Lisa Marie was due to gain the Presley mega millions at the age of 25, but wisely let Priscilla, so adept at handling the monolithic milch cow that is Graceland (dad's not-so-stately pile), invest her inheritance until her recent 30th birthday.

TWO BECOME ONE: The soaring crescendo in Lisa Marie's cartoon-coloured existence came when she married the black man who pretends to be a white woman, the moon-walking, crotch-fumbling rhinoplasty that is Michael Jackson. Lisa Marie posed for photo shoots of an eerily asexual nature with her spouse, held his limp hand and spoke out in public about their healthy, hot-blooded heterosexual union. Now divorced, Michael enjoys a normal, happy life with a wife who resembles a trucker and two apparently Eurasian offspring.

FAME PROSPECTS: Curiouser and curiouser, wackier and wackier. Anyone who could marry a man-child in a surgical mask still has surprises up her sleeve. How about "Jailhouse Rap", to a hip hop beat? Marriage to Macaulay Culkin? An Elvis sighting? Bet we'll all be stampeding HMV for that CD.