APPEARANCE: Posh Spice's secret mother. Alley cat in season. Peruvian yurt dweller. Mongolian nomad after make-over. Local bit of rough on a night out.
Family Values: Mandy's has been a sorry tale involving PR Max Clifford, the octuplets, the taciturn boyfriend and the radio call-in show hosted by our heroine as a result of all the fuss. Would you seek counsel from the woman who defied perfectly reasonable medical advice, while promoting a popular daily newspaper in purring yet regional tones? In one of the most stomach-churning sights of the modern age, the cameras were there to record the burial of the eight tiny coffins containing Allwood's deceased octuplets. A complicated love life adds tabloid zest to the Mandy Allwood story: lover Paul Hudson was alleged to be two-timing Mandy with his ex, the mother of his sons, naturally called Zack and Kane.
FAME AND FORTUNE: Mandy, despite her publicly recorded protestations, appears to be so cravenly addicted to dubious fame that she is happy to promote it in whatever way comes to hand. Thus the sole infant is excuse a go-go for an "Exclusive: Mandy Allwood Talks".
FAME PROSPECTS: Mandy's fame seems to rely entirely on the activities of her womb. But another multiple birth would not have quite the same shock, freak or curiosity value as the first. Siamese twins are a possibility. They can certainly be separated against medical advice, for example. But how does one live with Mandy Allwood-style fame? Does one set the Staffordshire bull terriers on dissenting neighbours? Or does one cheerfully sign autographs at Asda? Mandy Allwood, the one-woman horror show, will no doubt always come up with some disturbing tit-bit or other to flog. How about a millennial menage a huit, for example?