Appearance: Cherie Booth meets Stella Tennant on a particularly bad day. Flat-faced Sloane suited to Alice bands and sensible slip-ons frantically aspiring to exciting rebel status.
Mother Love: Marina's impending motherhood caused a daytime soap-style scandal when daughter Zenouska (note rock-star-rebel-offspring's name), seven, was conceived out of wedlock. This led to a family rift in which Marina publicly criticised her famous parents. The Mowatts married when Marina was five months pregnant and flogged their story for pounds 30,000 in feisty minor royal fashion. Zenouska resembles an identikit infant Marina. Son Christian is now four. We know all this because Marina poses and explains with admirable alacrity for Hello!.
Marital Blues: The couple split up in April last year and Marina sought a court order restraining him from approaching her. Two months later, they were reconciled and moved into a pounds 300,000 Surrey pad. Wise up, sister.
Royal Model: Marina has been known to hit the catwalk and pose in PVC for photographs. Unfortunately, she does not possess quite the same degree of pulchritude as the other poshingtons, Stella Tennant, Honor Fraser and Jodie Kidd. But then, if Fergie can be a model, hey, let's all have a go.
Fame Prospects: Suggestions for the future: she could divorce and tell Hello! all about it, remarry, divorce, go into business with Zandra Rhodes, or put Zenouska on the catwalk. But we'd all be quite pleased if she stayed quietly indoors in East Molesey.