why are they famous?: Marla Maples

Main Claim: The Donald. See also Ivana Trump, Ivanka Trump, Trump Tower, Trump Parc, etc, etc. Scowling porcine motormouth Donald Trump scrawled his name on all of the above. In becoming his second wife, the former Mrs Marla Maples Trump was instantly branded, remodelled and showered with sublimely worthless fame. Supposedly "estranged", Marla and Donald have recently been spotted together at a charity basketball game.

Appearance: Pre-Donald: peachy cheerleader, cascading flicks and orthodontics. Mid-Donald: sad-eyed, skinny society wife with rictus grin. Post-Donald: skinnier, mousier ex with matronly haircut and fixed "I'm doin' fine, folks!" smile.

Marriage Blues: The Donald politely dumped Marla before a pre-nup time clause came into effect, thus saving himself a few million in alimony. He has long admitted to being a "meat and potatoes" kind of guy, favouring blondes, breasts and business arrangement couplings toasted in toothcombed pre-nups.

Past Imperfect: Marla came to our attention in 1989, just before the seminal Trump divorce. Dubbed the "Georgia Peach", all innocent Southern charm, God squad quotes and minor modelling jobs, Marla was secretly flown to Aspen while Donald was still married to the redoubtable and now world- famous Ivana. Marla's finest hour in the Donald-and-Ivana divorce drama occurred on the Aspen pistes. In a scene worthy of vintage James Bond - fur-lined hats, mistresses, ski jewellery and Ivana reportedly skiing backwards to shout at the fleeing Donald face-to-face - the then Mrs Ivana Trump accosted Marla at Bonnie's the mountaintop restaurant, calling her "Moolah" in her barbed wire Czech-glish and warning her away from her man. Marla was engaged, disengaged, and delivered of a Trump infant before she finally bagged the Donald's hand.

Fame Prospects: None too hot. Marla lacks the Iron Curtain discipline of her predecessor Ivana, the woman who turned herself from an obscure divorcee to a crown empress of worthless fame. Marla is more likely to endorse a line of homeopathic remedies than turn herself into a one-woman marketing phenomenon. A new billionaire boyfriend would be just the tonic.

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