Why are they famous? Nigel Kennedy

Main Claim: Self-styled Bovver boy fiddler, hep cat Jack the Lad, the Will Self of the classical music scene, the Posh Spice of class metamorphosis. A marketing phenomenon before Vanessa-Mae could read semi-quavers, classical violinist Nigel Kennedy displayed mockney enthusiasm of Dick Van Dyke proportions, more famous for dropped consonants than for his pizzicato technique. He's now taken the only route left to bad boys: had a bath, and come over all serious, to be known from now on simply as "Kennedy". Cor blimey Nige is no more. Kennedy clarifies the situation: "I never liked the name Nigel." Kennedy's publicist adds: "He's a bit baffled by the interest."

APPEARANCE: Long lost Mitchell brother in short term EastEnders contract.

BAD BOY: His Kennedyness, now 40, is clearly realising he may have outgrown the spiky hair, busker gear, neck blemishes, and perpetual Aston Villa scarf. Vintage Nige behaviour: the young rebel once spray painted his Jaguar claret and blue in honour of Aston Villa. He famously referred to the composer of The Four Seasons as Viv. Supposedly, therefore, we may take the liberty of referring to him as Ken?

PAST PERFECT: Ken Jr studied from the age of eight at the Yehudi Menuhin School, then the Juilliard in New York. Mysteriously, footage of him in his formative years reveals polite middle class diction and neatly swept fringe.

BABY LOVE: After dating suitable rock chicks like Brix E. Smith, former wife of The Fall's Mark E. Smith, The Artist now lives with girlfriend Eve and baby, er, Sark, near Malvern. "I'd never let showbiz mess up my private life," he says. That's "mess", not "muck" or "f***", note, and "my", not "me".

FUTURE PROSPECTS: Kennedy is to play Elgar on November 17 at the Oxford Street Virgin Megastore. Kennedy can still jam with the lads on the street, then. We predict a desultory course between shining adult values and punkish recidivism, then a gradual return to Nige and his Queen Vic vowels.