Appearance: Porcelain doll with gummy grin. Blow-up doll with predictable assets. Mrs Mop meets supermodel meets Page 3.
Bouncing Czechs: Eva has been promoting Wonderbra Week, hence her celebrated bosom has been flashed all over the shop. Editors can't resist the tiredest of strap lines, the weariest of puns.
Rock Moll: Eva did what all good supermodels do. She took up with an ageing / aesthetically challenged rock star. But unlike Naomi Campbell (U2's Adam Clayton) or Carla Bruni (grandfather Mick Jagger), she saw him up the aisle. New hubby is Bon Jovi's 44-year-old, 5ft 2ins drummer, Tico Torres. Eva, 5ft 11ins, is so copiously and publicly in love with the short and sideburny spiv-style Tico, she can't stop blabbering about him: "He's just an angel that fell down to earth." And so on. The couple met at a Save the Rainforest event. Tico flew Eva over New York in his Cessna plane straight afterwards.
Czech Mates: In a tradition of East-West reconciliation, women of scowling Iron-Curtain-Hausfrau demeanour suddenly become blonde smiley Americans - viz Martina Navratilova and the miraculously morphed Ivana Trump. Eva's a home girl from Litvinov in the Czech Republic: "I'm still the little girl who takes out the garbage". Factory accountant mother Eva and miner father Jeri, "don't really know the difference between a Vogue cover and a mail order catalogue cover."
Paper Tigers: Women best-known for being photographed have a tendency to take to print: Joan Collins edited Marie Claire; Tara Palmer-Tomkinson writes a column worse than a polytechnic newsletter. Eva Wonderbra has just done a guest spot editing Mirror Woman. This necessitated posing on the cover in a pinstripe suit revealing her bra.
Fame Prospects: Eva is too plump of cheek and cleavage to make classic supermodel material, so she'll need another bra-style niche. But eventually all models become excruciating actresses in asinine films. They plump out, design clothes, take photographs and marry someone else. "I never want to do a commercial for a sausage," says Eva. "I hope I don't end up there."Reuse content