Why you'd choose to be a woman - 100 good reasons

Debbie Barham is full of reasons to be cheerful about being female. Incidentally, the men's magazine `GQ' celebrated its 100th issue this month by listing `100 Reasons Why It's Great To Be a Bloke'. Sad reading by comparison.

1: You can wear women's underwear without being arrested.

2: You can be sexually aroused in public without being arrested.

3: You can understand the mechanism of a bra strap.

4: You can be moody and antisocial on a regular monthly basis, without having to provide any rational explanation.

5: You can cry during Sleepless In Seattle and not have to blame it on hay fever and/or cat allergy.

6: You can correctly estimate the dimensions of the male genitalia.

7: You can become number one British women's tennis player simply by hitting a tennis ball - once - without it being out.

8: You can detect, by scent, when underwear needs changing.

9: You can be not interested in footy without being thought homosexual.

10: You can use public toilets at the same time as other members of the same sex without being thought homosexual.

11: You can fake orgasm convincingly.

12: You can observe a Bar-B-Q without urges to intervene.

13: You can remain silent whilst in a car with a woman driver.

14: You can blame being overlooked for promotion on "bloody male chauvinists" and the "Old Boy Network".

15: You can take full advantage of British Telecom's "Friends And Family" discount.

16: You can occupy a bathroom for over 15 minutes without the aid of pornographic literature.

17: You can make sexist remarks about the opposite sex without calling it "post-modern irony".

18: You stand a better chance of selection as a New Labour MP.

19: You can rely on not being chatted up by Paula Yates ...

20: ... or by Michael Barrymore.

21: You can appreciate why scarlet crotchless leather panties are not, in fact, practical workwear for the female executive.

22: You can watch canine castration on Vets in Practice without wincing.

23: You can go into the lingerie department of Debenhams without the air of a fugitive.

24: You will never have to master the art of tying a bow tie.

25: You can dislike Pamela Anderson and like Clare Short.

26: When you reach the age of 60, your breasts can double as handy fly- swatters.

27: You can avoid carrying heavy items of furniture when moving house.

28: You understand what a two way dry-weave topsheet is necessary for.

29: You can happily spend an entire afternoon in The Body Shop.

30: Two words - colour co-ordination.

31: You can wear a ponytail and not look like a total prat.

32: You can see that you have got cellulite. It's obvious. Look.

33: After passing wind in public, you will not be compelled to utter the phrase "oi oi, better out than in".

34: You can communicate with women by telephone.

35: You can use pregnancy as an excuse for weight gain.

36: You can use "47 per cent of women are a size 16 or over - it's a fact" as an excuse for weight gain.

37: You can use "hormones" as an excuse for weight gain.

38: You can use "refusal to be influenced by anorexic models in Vogue" as an excuse for weight gain.

39: You don't have to worry about being "a nine-stone weakling".

40: You can a) purchase tampons, b) read a map and c) eat quiche.

41: The words "falling sperm count" do not send shivers down your back.

42: You can urinate without leaving a small reservoir on the bathroom floor.

43: You can read the instruction leaflet BEFORE assembling flatpacked furniture or operating electrical appliances.

44: You can carry a handbag.

45: You can find Jo Brand funny.

46: You will never be required to make an amusing Best Man speech at a wedding.

47: You don't have to worry that you might not be the real parent of your children.

48: You can expose your legs in hot weather and not look silly.

49: You can book a "massage" without embarrassment.

50: You can borrow your partner's clothes and not look perverted.

51: You can ask a complete stranger for directions.

52: You can run "like a girl".

53: You never need be wary of scoutmasters with a glint in their eye.

54: You are less likely to give your private parts a pet name.

55: You can appreciate why double E-cup bosoms might sometimes be a disadvantage.

56: Women won't keep on buying you horrible ties and Old Spice for Christmas.

57: You can bear to own a car stereo that doesn't have quite so many knobs as your next door neighbour's.

58: You can drink spritzers in pubs.

59: During sex, you are unlikely to worry about climaxing too quickly.

60: You realise that "ready in five minutes" actually means three-and- a-half hours.

61: You can resist the compulsion to scratch your privates in public and photocopy your arse at Christmas parties.

62: You can keep you legs together when sitting opposite other people on public transport.

63: You partner will be PLEASED if you come home with lipstick on your face.

64: You can look at page three of the Sun without remarking loudly on the fact that you're really only reading the political story on page TWO.

65: When you reach your sexual peak, you're old enough to appreciate it.

66: You will never invite acquaintances to "smell my finger".

67: You can watch a woman peeling a banana without making lewd comments.

68: You can watch a woman removing an umbrella cover without making lewd comments.

69: You can watch a woman unwrapping a Cadbury's Flake without making lewd comments.

70: You can understand the grave severity of having a "bad hair day".

71: You can put a duvet cover on a duvet without asphyxiating yourself.

72: You can obtain nutritional sustenance without the aid of a microwave, a tin opener, or the telephone number of your local branch of Pizza Hut.

73: You can confess to having been dumped.

74: You can own a Renault Clio.

75: People will not automatically expect you to know how to play the guitar.

76: You can leave the plumbing to the plumber.

77: You are born with an instinctive knowledge of how many calories there are in any given foodstuff.

78: You can change a nappy in less than an hour.

79: Breasts are an attractive feature on a woman. As is red hair. Sometimes.

80: You can pack sensibly for holidays.

81: You will never wear jeans exposing your buttock cleavage, unless they happen to be fleetingly fashionable.

82: You can admit to being wrong about something ...

83: ... Even something as important as the Offside Rule.

84: Your status in society will never be dependent on how high you can piss.

85: You will never believe that a doner kebab is the ideal epicurean accompaniment for 15 pints of Special Brew.

86: Wearing a wig can be a fashion statement, not just a last resort.

87: Violent men are thuggish. Violent women are "feisty".

88: Men sweat. Women "glow".

89: If you claim to admire the Spice Girls because of their politics, some people will actually believe you.

90: You know the meaning of words like "exfoliation" ...

91: ... And "integrity".

92: You will never feel your masculinity threatened by large root vegetables, pepper pots or postcards featuring Nelson's Column.

93: You can appreciate that a woman who's just spent 50 per cent of her salary in Whistles can still have "nothing to wear tonight".

94: You can recall anniversaries other than Stoke City's first FA Cup win.

95: Your voice will never mutate overnight from Aled Jones into Barry White.

96: You can justifiably pass out during childbirth.

97: Your ability to concentrate is not inversely proportional to the bust size of adjacent females.

98: You have, statistically, more chance of finding a partner through newspaper contact ads.

99: You don't have to take mags like GQ seriously.

100: And finally - you just CAN, OK? Because you CAN. And if men don't understand that, then tough titty.

Have you tried new the Independent Digital Edition apps?
Life and Style
ebookNow available in paperback
ebookPart of The Independent’s new eBook series The Great Composers
  • Get to the point
Latest stories from i100
Have you tried new the Independent Digital Edition apps?
Independent Dating

By clicking 'Search' you
are agreeing to our
Terms of Use.

ES Rentals

    iJobs Job Widget
    iJobs General

    Recruitment Genius: Senior Digital Marketing Consultant

    £28000 - £45000 per annum: Recruitment Genius: A Senior Digital Marketing Cons...

    Recruitment Genius: Assistant Stores Keeper

    £16640 - £18500 per annum: Recruitment Genius: An Assistant Stores Keeper is r...

    Recruitment Genius: Claims Administrator

    £16000 - £18500 per annum: Recruitment Genius: This is an excellent opportunit...

    Recruitment Genius: Software Developer - C# / ASP.NET / SQL

    £17000 - £30000 per annum: Recruitment Genius: Developer required to join a bu...

    Day In a Page

    Fishing for votes with Nigel Farage: The Ukip leader shows how he can work an audience as he casts his line to the disaffected of Grimsby

    Fishing is on Nigel Farage's mind

    Ukip leader casts a line to the disaffected
    Who is bombing whom in the Middle East? It's amazing they don't all hit each other

    Who is bombing whom in the Middle East?

    Robert Fisk untangles the countries and factions
    China's influence on fashion: At the top of the game both creatively and commercially

    China's influence on fashion

    At the top of the game both creatively and commercially
    Lord O’Donnell: Former cabinet secretary on the election and life away from the levers of power

    The man known as GOD has a reputation for getting the job done

    Lord O'Donnell's three principles of rule
    Rainbow shades: It's all bright on the night

    Rainbow shades

    It's all bright on the night
    'It was first time I had ever tasted chocolate. I kept a piece, and when Amsterdam was liberated, I gave it to the first Allied soldier I saw'

    Bread from heaven

    Dutch survivors thank RAF for World War II drop that saved millions
    Britain will be 'run for the wealthy and powerful' if Tories retain power - Labour

    How 'the Axe' helped Labour

    UK will be 'run for the wealthy and powerful' if Tories retain power
    Rare and exclusive video shows the horrific price paid by activists for challenging the rule of jihadist extremists in Syria

    The price to be paid for challenging the rule of extremists

    A revolution now 'consuming its own children'
    Welcome to the world of Megagames

    Welcome to the world of Megagames

    300 players take part in Watch the Skies! board game in London
    'Nymphomaniac' actress reveals what it was really like to star in one of the most explicit films ever

    Charlotte Gainsbourg on 'Nymphomaniac'

    Starring in one of the most explicit films ever
    Robert Fisk in Abu Dhabi: The Emirates' out-of-sight migrant workers helping to build the dream projects of its rulers

    Robert Fisk in Abu Dhabi

    The Emirates' out-of-sight migrant workers helping to build the dream projects of its rulers
    Vince Cable interview: Charging fees for employment tribunals was 'a very bad move'

    Vince Cable exclusive interview

    Charging fees for employment tribunals was 'a very bad move'
    Iwan Rheon interview: Game of Thrones star returns to his Welsh roots to record debut album

    Iwan Rheon is returning to his Welsh roots

    Rheon is best known for his role as the Bastard of Bolton. It's gruelling playing a sadistic torturer, he tells Craig McLean, but it hasn't stopped him recording an album of Welsh psychedelia
    Morne Hardenberg interview: Cameraman for BBC's upcoming show Shark on filming the ocean's most dangerous predator

    It's time for my close-up

    Meet the man who films great whites for a living
    Increasing numbers of homeless people in America keep their mobile phones on the streets

    Homeless people keep mobile phones

    A homeless person with a smartphone is a common sight in the US. And that's creating a network where the 'hobo' community can share information - and fight stigma - like never before