Rarely would one describe my life as organised. Rarely are all the component parts in their right places. More often than not, there is a subscription that remains uncancelled, a bill that remains unpaid, a chore that has yet to be crossed off. "Organised" is not a word which, used in association with my name, tends to appear in the positive. At the present moment in particular.
For one thing, I have resumed my long-running struggle for broadband. I really had no excuse. It has got to the point whereby I refuse even to turn my laptop on for anything in the slightest bit web-based. Instead, I spend vast quantities of time reading the news, browsing Twitter and replying to emails – all while squinting at the post-it sized screen of my BlackBerry. The Orange dongle can be no more. Unfortunately, I don't seem to have made much progress in getting rid of it; obtaining a landline turns out to be a process so torturous, so very baffling, as to make BlackBerry surfing sound like an aspirational way of life. (I know this isn't true. It's just a matter of remembering it).
At the same time, my crumbling bathroom continues to – well – crumble. I've just learned via the agent-broker-decision-maker grapevine that, down to some kink in said vine, the insurance claim after whose health I was making daily enquiries was, in fact, never lodged. This discovery came to light, conveniently, the day before a fairly crucial section of that vine was due to retire. I won't go into too much detail – no doubt the whole messy saga will get full airing in these pages once the job has actually been done and I am, as it were, home and dry – but suffice to say that I'll have to wait another decade and a half to hear whether the insurers will cough up. And if they won't – who knows? (They will. As earlier, it's just a matter of remembering it).
And, since these things always come in threes, the wedding question has returned. Because I'm going to another – in just a couple of months. Of course, a large part of me – 99.9 per cent – can't wait. The last one was so much fun, and the engaged couple are so lovely, that this is bound to be a blast. On the other hand, all those lingering doubts are beginning to resurface: What to do about gifts? What to do about accommodation? Whether I need buy a new outfit? It's like having a particularly romantic episode of déjà vu. I know I'm not. I just need to remember it. firstname.lastname@example.org.