Bridget Jones's Diary

Is end of era, no two ways about it. Maybe should change life. If Establishment can, so can I...

Thursday 4 September

9st 2lbs (bad), alcohol units 4, cigarettes 22 (but national crisis)

9.30am Turned up for late 8.30am leg wax. Was horrible cowbag (sorry about having base thought at time like this) on reception desk: beautiful thin girl with Scary Spice-style glasses worn as if to say, I'm so bloody beautiful, darling, I have to wear actually unsightly spectacles to tone things down.

"Sorry I'm late," I said apologetically.

"That's fine," breathed the girl in manner which suggested she'd already briefed beautician to give me third-degree bikini wax from hell torture. When I went in, though, the girl said, "At least you turned up. My 8 o'clock rang at five past and said she wasn't coming because of Princess Diana."

She was almost sarcastic about someone cancelling a bikini wax because of Princess Diana but as I pointed out, who are we to judge what each individual is going through? If all this has taught us one thing it is not to judge others.

10.45am Late for work owing to massive traffic jam. Cause was roadworks only quite deserted with no workmen and just signs saying, "The men working on this road are stopping work for the next four days as a mark of respect to Princess Diana."

Friday, 5 September

Totally freaked out by death of Mother Teresa. Is as if evil force is let loose for one night to make huge ironic joke and world's entire population of virtuous icons are all going to pop off and die ignored at climax of biggest news story world has ever known, eg Nelson Mandela and, err, can't think of any more virtuous icons. Maybe that air hostess who opened an orphanage? Though I suppose you could say it was the ultimate modest, humble, discreet act on Mother Teresa's part to die tonight. I'm going to spend special half hour just thinking about Mother Teresa. Ooh telephone.

Was Magda. "Have you seen, William and Harry have been hugging the crowd?" she said, both tearful and excited.

"I know, but what about Mother Teresa?"

"Yes, yes, yes, I know. But William looks just like Diana. It's surreal, so, so, so brave."

Monday, 6am Really it was like funeral of someone you know, so that afterwards you feel you have been racked and drained but as though something has been let out of you. Just so pleased that they managed to get everything right. It was all good. Beautiful and really good as if the establishment has really got the message at last, and our country can do things properly again.

6.30am Feel weird, though. Hope it is not like when someone close to you dies and while all the fuss is going on it is sort of like Christmas, as normal service is suspended, and it is when life has returned to what it was before except without the person you love, that it is unbearable. Maybe there will be national depression.

Is end of era, no two ways about it, but also started new era in manner of autumn term. Determined not to sink back into old ways. All too aware of danger of transference of Princess Diana feelings on to Prince William. Already find self feeling same need to look at every possible photo of him, wanting to see him dressed up in different outfits and feeling quite certain that if met him he would definitely want me to be his best friend. Cannot explain this but now know it is Bad. Every young girl in the country must be totally in love with him.

Whole thing seems like Shakespeare tragedy or ancient legend especially with sparring between two great noble houses of Spencer and Windsor.

Prince William is only modern equivalent of real Handsome Prince. Definitely feel ashamed for working on stupid daytime TV programme where we have often devoted entire afternoons to Diana's hair.

7am Hmm, maybe should change life. If Establishment can change so can I.

8am Am going to chuck in job. Yes. Life has been too shallow. I'm going to give Richard Finch notice today and go work with land-mines or similar.

11am Office. Har har. Will really make Richard Finch think better of all his rude remarks and appreciate me when I am gone and he realises I am not as shallow as he thought.

1pm Humps. Went to Richard Finch's office with speech prepared about shortness and fragility of life.

"Arh, Bridget," he said. "Have you heard that the Princess of Wales has died?"

I put my head down and ignored this obvious inference that I am not very au fait with the news. "I'm here to talk about my future," I muttered.

"You're absolutely right, my darling," he said. "It's time for new beginnings for all of us. You're fired. You're the most pea-brained, absent-minded, indecently dressed and late researcher we've ever had on the programme. If you've cleared you're desk in half an hour's time I'll give you three months' pay never to darken my door again."

1.28pm Oh f***, Oh f***.

1.30pm Hooray? Desk is cleared. Is amazing how quickly you can do things if you try.

1.45pm Cafe Rouge v sad. Am total failure. Am sacked. No boyfriend and now no job. Am just rubbish.

2pm Hmm, though. Three months' pay.

2.15pm Also, as Princess Diana showed us, it is not what happens to you in life which counts but what you make of the cards you are dealt and the person you become. Have always wanted to go off travelling in manner of hippie. I'm going to do it now and enjoy life while it is mine and discover meaning of same, instead of worrying about age and stupid men. Also stop smoking and drinking and get down to 8st 7lb. Will just have one more Bloody Mary then call Jude and Shaz to tell them news.

4pm Argor, Swulbe Blurry, Goofun. Byebye everbory. Oops

News
A model of a Neanderthal man on display at the National Museum of Prehistory in Dordogne, France
science
News
Richard Dawkins dedicated his book 'The Greatest Show on Earth' to Josh Timonen
newsThat's Richard Dawkins on babies with Down Syndrome
Arts and Entertainment
Eye of the beholder? 'Concrete lasagne' Preston bus station
architectureWhich monstrosities should be nominated for the Dead Prize?
Extras
indybest
PROMOTED VIDEO
Have you tried new the Independent Digital Edition apps?
News
ebooksAn evocation of the conflict through the eyes of those who lived through it
Travel
Dinosaurs Unleashed at the Eden Project
travel
Arts and Entertainment
music
Sport
football
Life and Style
This month marks the 20th anniversary of the first online sale
techDespite a host of other online auction sites and fierce competition from Amazon, eBay is still the most popular e-commerce site in the UK
News
i100
Independent
Travel Shop
the manor
Up to 70% off luxury travel
on city breaks Find out more
santorini
Up to 70% off luxury travel
on chic beach resorts Find out more
sardina foodie
Up to 70% off luxury travel
on country retreats Find out more
Have you tried new the Independent Digital Edition apps?
Independent Dating
and  

By clicking 'Search' you
are agreeing to our
Terms of Use.

iJobs Job Widget
iJobs General

Quantitative Analyst (Financial Services, Graduate, SQL, VBA)

£45000 per annum: Harrington Starr: Quantitative Analyst (Financial Services, ...

Application Support Engineer (C++, .NET, VB, Perl, Bash, SQL)

Negotiable: Harrington Starr: Application Support Engineer (C++, .NET, VB, Per...

C# .NET Software Developer (Client-Side, SQL, VB6, WinForms)

Negotiable: Harrington Starr: C# .NET Software Developer (Client-Side, SQL, VB...

C# Developer (Genetic Algorithms, .NET 4.5, TDD, SQL, AI)

£40000 - £60000 per annum + Benefits + Bonus: Harrington Starr: C# Developer (...

Day In a Page

Middle East crisis: We know all too much about the cruelty of Isis – but all too little about who they are

We know all too much about the cruelty of Isis – but all too little about who they are

Now Obama has seen the next US reporter to be threatened with beheading, will he blink, asks Robert Fisk
Neanderthals lived alongside humans for centuries, latest study shows

Final resting place of our Neanderthal neighbours revealed

Bones dated to 40,000 years ago show species may have died out in Belgium species co-existed
Scottish independence: The new Scots who hold fate of the UK in their hands

The new Scots who hold fate of the UK in their hands

Scotland’s immigrants are as passionate about the future of their adopted nation as anyone else
Britain's ugliest buildings: Which monstrosities should be nominated for the Dead Prize?

Blight club: Britain's ugliest buildings

Following the architect Cameron Sinclair's introduction of the Dead Prize, an award for ugly buildings, John Rentoul reflects on some of the biggest blots on the UK landscape
eBay's enduring appeal: Online auction site is still the UK's most popular e-commerce retailer

eBay's enduring appeal

The online auction site is still the UK's most popular e-commerce site
Culture Minister Ed Vaizey: ‘lack of ethnic minority and black faces on TV is weird’

'Lack of ethnic minority and black faces on TV is weird'

Culture Minister Ed Vaizey calls for immediate action to address the problem
Artist Olafur Eliasson's latest large-scale works are inspired by the paintings of JMW Turner

Magic circles: Artist Olafur Eliasson

Eliasson's works will go alongside a new exhibition of JMW Turner at Tate Britain. He tells Jay Merrick why the paintings of his hero are ripe for reinvention
Josephine Dickinson: 'A cochlear implant helped me to discover a new world of sound'

Josephine Dickinson: 'How I discovered a new world of sound'

After going deaf as a child, musician and poet Josephine Dickinson made do with a hearing aid for five decades. Then she had a cochlear implant - and everything changed
Greggs Google fail: Was the bakery's response to its logo mishap a stroke of marketing genius?

Greggs gives lesson in crisis management

After a mishap with their logo, high street staple Greggs went viral this week. But, as Simon Usborne discovers, their social media response was anything but half baked
Matthew McConaughey has been singing the praises of bumbags (shame he doesn't know how to wear one)

Matthew McConaughey sings the praises of bumbags

Shame he doesn't know how to wear one. Harriet Walker explains the dos and don'ts of fanny packs
7 best quadcopters and drones

Flying fun: 7 best quadcopters and drones

From state of the art devices with stabilised cameras to mini gadgets that can soar around the home, we take some flying objects for a spin
Joey Barton: ‘I’ve been guilty of getting a bit irate’

Joey Barton: ‘I’ve been guilty of getting a bit irate’

The midfielder returned to the Premier League after two years last weekend. The controversial character had much to discuss after his first game back
Andy Murray: I quit while I’m ahead too often

Andy Murray: I quit while I’m ahead too often

British No 1 knows his consistency as well as his fitness needs working on as he prepares for the US Open after a ‘very, very up and down’ year
Ferguson: In the heartlands of America, a descent into madness

A descent into madness in America's heartlands

David Usborne arrived in Ferguson, Missouri to be greeted by a scene more redolent of Gaza and Afghanistan
BBC’s filming of raid at Sir Cliff’s home ‘may be result of corruption’

BBC faces corruption allegation over its Sir Cliff police raid coverage

Reporter’s relationship with police under scrutiny as DG is summoned by MPs to explain extensive live broadcast of swoop on singer’s home