Column Eight: Feeling below the line?

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The Independent Online
Just moments from Tower Hill and Monument Tube stations, stressed-out City types are being invited to enjoy 'Life Enhancers]' courses in natural health. The Sleep Clinic sounds attractive, but a workshop called 'Personal Audit & Forecast of 'Me Ltd' ' is altogether less enticing.

Participants, we are assured, will 'use accountants' language to assess the performance of 'Me Ltd'. You will audit your own 'balance sheets' and 'profit and loss accounts', not in financial terms but human ones.' Clarify your true priorities in life and 'these will then be imaginatively communicated by the 'auditor' to the 'management' in a way that makes a lasting impact.'

pounds 49 and you're in. Don't get crushed in the stampede.

PROOF positive that any association with the Lamont name is a disadvantage. You will recall the fortunes of Lamont Holdings, which at the time of the sterling crisis disclosed a 44 per cent drop in profits.

Further evidence comes from Chelsea, where a 525,000 pounds house in Lamont Road is up for sale 'on the instruction of the Receiver, furniture available by separate negotiation'. The property is said to be 'immaculate and particularly well-presented'. Just like the Chancellor's economic policies.

ONE SPECIES heading for extinction helps another. A 10-strong team of City lads will gasp and choke their way through the New York marathon this weekend to raise money for the Save the Rhino charity. They hope to make about pounds 3,000 each for the benefit of such lovelies as the Sumatran rhino, a 'hairy and secretive forest-dweller'.

It will, however, be a miracle if all make it round the course - one team member had his leg in plaster only two weeks ago (stress fracture) and two others are running in a floor-length rhino costume that weighs two stone. Stand outside the Bank of England at 10 this morning and you should spot the latter flashing past - they'll be wearing the little charcoal-grey wrinkled rubber and fibreglass number, with horn.

COMPANIES that send out direct mail marketing blurb often get the addressee's personal details wrong. So when a female colleague received a missive from the Lotus computer software company it wasn't too surprising that it got both her sex and the spelling of her surname wrong.

But how Lotus also had the gall to print 'the friendliest letter you'll ever receive' on the envelope, we don't know.