Column Eight: The red sands of recovery
Wednesday 09 December 1992
John Grange has opened a surfboard, wetsuit and beach gear shop in Alice Springs. Those ill-versed in matters southern hemispherical may not realise that the town is set in the heart of Australia, with the nearest wave 930 miles away. There is plenty of sand, of course - fiery, red, burning, gritty stuff. Very appealing.
'These sorts of shops are all over Australia . . . I don't see why Alice Springs should be any different,' insists Mr Grange. 'I'm very confident we'll be successful. We've had some very good vibes.' He can come and vibrate in Britain any time he likes.
And in Sydney (which is by the sea) a businessman sends a 'hands off our flying kangaroo' message to BA, which may be bidding for Qantas. 'No British Airways ownership of our Qantas. Piss off, Poms' reads the slogan on a massive billboard at the airport.
'I believe the Spirit of Australia (that's Qantas) cannot be controlled by a foreign power,' says the billboard's owner. 'The message is amusing,' British Airways concedes generously.
Qantas is more concerned that the message may be mistaken for official airline policy.
It's going to come as a shock to London cabbies ('Best drivers on the road, Guv] Safe as houses' . . . crrrrunch) who see themselves as a law unto themselves, that their exemption from the seat-belt laws is about to run out. The bonus for passengers will be that, given the physique of most taxi drivers, it will be virtually impossible to turn round and talk volubly to the captive audience in the back.
This evening's total eclipse of the moon should be of interest to market observers as well as werewolves. Painstaking analysis by the Swiss of market trends in the wake of 143 total or partial lunar eclipses showed that share prices were significantly influenced 80 per cent of the time.
'Market prices are determined as a function of tens of thousands of buy and sell orders, which are issued by human beings. The latter are influenced by the electromagnetic atmosphere, so it is an interesting study to establish a correspondence between the map of the heavens and market movements.' Got it?
South Korea ferry: Vice principal rescued from sinking ship found hanged
Overheard in Waitrose: documenting the chatter in 'Britain's poshest supermarket'
Oscar Pistorius trial: The case against Oscar Pistorius – and why the prosecution claims his story doesn't add up
Peaches Geldof funeral: Private ceremony to be held at same place as her mother Paula Yates on Easter Monday
Shropshire criminals ‘using unmanned drones and infrared cameras to find illegal cannabis farms’ – and then steal from the growers
The food poverty scandal that shames Britain: Nearly 1m people rely on handouts to eat – and benefit reforms may be to blame
US Navy christens huge $3 billion destroyer ship USS Zumwalt that appears as a fishing boat on enemy radar
Scottish independence: It is the English who should be on their knees, begging the Scots to vote ‘No’
Nigel Farage fatigue? Half of voters ‘immune’ to Ukip’s appeal
Nigel Farage on Have I Got News For You: Ukip leader ridiculed over expenses and party 'fruitcakes'
Nigel Farage: I’m taking on the status quo, and the Establishment’s fighting back
- 1 Are you turning into your dad? The top ten signs you've embraced dad-ism revealed as survey says 38 is age men turn into their father
- 2 Overheard in Waitrose: documenting the chatter in 'Britain's poshest supermarket'
- 3 Video of British Muslims dancing to Pharrell Williams's hit Happy attacked as 'sinful'
- 4 24 people applied for the 'world's toughest job', here are their interviews
- 5 Grace Dent on TV: Game of Thrones has jumped the shark
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